Thursday, 18 December 2014

True Romance review

True Romance review
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Chris:
Hello my dearest Walkeny subjects and followers,   it's been sometime since the Hallo-Walken marathon continued but I am here once again with another Walkeny review for all my beloved children of the night to enjoy.    But first i'd like to address a very important issue that is currently going on in the world at this moment.  

Now from what I understand,  this fellow named Russell Brand is trying to start a revolution with his new book titled Revolution and people have made jokes about him referring to the song 'Parklife'  by Blur,  which has become a meme and now he's parodied himself...I guess -  by doing a video that spoofs the song...I guess.  

I know little about this person other than the fact that he is known for playing a rockstar named Aldous Snow in a movie about a woman named Sarah Marshall and for voicing Doctor Nefario in the Despicable Me movies.

But I have decided to go against Brand and start my own revolution,  as I call it -  my Walken-olution.   For I feel that this year is indeed the year of Walken,  with Peter Pan Live just a week away.    This is going to be the year that I , Chris will change the way you humans all think about how the system works.     For a while now you humans have feared the Walken but also adored him,   now he shall reward you with his kindly,  insightful words of wisdom.

Buy my new book 'Walken-olution' and read the insightful words of wisdom that Walken has passed onto me for generations.    For it is time for a change,  it is a time to make a difference,  it is time to all work together as one -   and it is time -  for more cowbell.   Also be sure to see me read from my new children's book The Pied Cowbell-Player of Walken,  part of many in my Walken's Tales Of Walkenity series.    If Brand can do it,  so can a Walken like me.

Anyway,   now that the shameless self-promotion segment is over -  it's time for me to tell you what today's Walken review is.    And the Walken review we'll be looking at this time is...True Romance!    Ah,   True Romance -   the 1993 classic directed by Tony Scott and written by film directing legend Quentin Tarantino.     Speaking of Tarantino...did you know Walken was at one point considered for the part of Seth Gecko in From Dusk Till Dawn but turned it down?   It's true.   That's also why George Clooney took the part instead.   Mind you,   I wouldn't mind being in the shoes of Tarantino's character.    I mean...sexy vampiress Salma Hayek?  Yes please.   In fact she would make a fine addition to my She-Hessian group.

Now you all know the plot of this movie,   everyone knows the memorable lines and quotes,  they know the characters,    so there is no need for me to go over it.   But I will mention my three special reasons for reviewing this movie.  

The first of which being that the late James Gandolfini has a small role in this as one of Walken's henchmen which also brings up another interesting Walken fact -   Walken's wife is a casting director on the show The Sopranos,   the second is that the amazing chameleon Gary Oldman is in this as Drexl Spivey.  

Prior to this - Oldman played in my opinion the greatest role of his life -   that of Prince Vlad/Count Dracula in the 1992 classic vampire flick Bram Stoker's Dracula.    

Oh,  that Gary Oldman -  always popping up in the most incredible disguises ever imagined - he's remarkable you know.      But of course the third and most important reason of all is that Walken is in this movie as perhaps the essential of all Walken roles.    I am of course talking about Vincenzo Coccotti,    who is indeed a mob boss to be reckoned with.

The witty banter between him and the late Dennis Hopper is timeless,   and the performances are flawless.   Plus,  that hypnotic icy stare.  

You know you just want to gaze into his eyes and obey his every command.    Don't you just want to fall under his spell and bow to him as if he was your beloved master?   Of course you do.

If you haven't seen this movie...where have you been for the past 8 centuries?  This is pure Walkeny goodness not to be missed.    I recommend watching this movie,  especially if you are a Walken fan.  

I rate it ten out of ten and give it two Walkenized thumbs up,  you must watch this movie and admire Walken's performance.   I command you all to please do so immediately,  not nessarily before you read this or after it -  but still..you must.

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Weapon Of Choice

Weapon Of Choice by Monstermaster13

Disclaimer:
This is a story told from my characters point of view and thus is fictional,  if you think it is real - you are either trying too hard to be a troll or A-Logger or are just looking for an excuse to search for particularly weird stuff.   But please remember,  most of this is made up - so please remember this isn't real except to my beloved followers.

NOTE:
This story is based on the Weapon Of Choice music video and features a Walken transformation and hypnosis.
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You know those dreams in which you are flying and feel like you're on top of the world?   Well I have plenty of those.    Because i'm not like any of you,   i'm actually Walken -  the one and only alpha Walken who can turn others.  

And I have taken great pride in converting others into members of my beloved army.    In my dreams I would often find myself transforming into Walken himself or a role he's played.     But I always woke up disappointed to find I wasn't him, but yet deep down i've always felt more like him than I did myself.  

I guess I owe it all to intense conditioning processes in which Walken instincts and traits slowly but surely formed in my mind,  making me ever so loyal and obedient to my master.  

Jon,  was and will always be the perfect Walken-master.   He always knew how to make me a happy Walken,   the transformations from human to Walken were always the best part to me -  just so addicting and hypnotic -  I was always entranced by them.  

Because deep down...I think we all have a bit of Walken in us.    Tonight was going to be a very special night for me I could tell.    I was on holiday in the LA hotel or as it used to be called the Gold Marriot,   yes -  the one from the music video.    I had recently dreamed of letting my Walkeny instincts take hold and recreating it.  

I was waiting in the lobby,   in my human form -  just doing nothing but looking around - nothing seemed to be making any sound apart from the noise coming from the machine that was cleaning up a mess on the floor.  

It appeared as if time was frozen and I was the only one moving.   I was feeling rather dejected and glum,  nothing was going on,  I was sitting in a plush chair as I sighed.    That was until I heard Jon's voice from nearby.

"It's quiet...isn't it,  my Walken?"

"Yes,  master -  it is."

"What do you say we change that?"

"Yes...this place could use a little livening up."

"This could use a 'Walken's touch,  couldn't it?"

"Oh yes."

"My Walken...tell me...which music video does this hotel remind you of?"

"Weapon Of Choice."

"Well done."

"Yes,  this is the hotel from the music video..."

"All it needs now is the music and the Walken.."

As if on cue -  the opening part of the iconic Weapon Of Choice tune started playing,  and immediately I felt myself fall into a deep,  soothing trance-like state as my mindset started to shift -   Walkeny instincts,  memories and traits flowing through my mind -   causing me to instinctively drop the magazine I was reading.    I twitched a little and opened my eyes,  my eyes giving off a supernatural glow and turning blue as I did so.

"Mmm...yes...I remember.."

"Of course you do.   After all,  the first time you did it -  it just felt so natural to just let those Walkeny instincts take hold.   And listen to the cowbell...doesn't it sound lovely?"

"I love cowbell,  master...I can never get enough of it."

"I know how you can get more of it."

"Hmm?"

"We have the music now all we need is Walken..."

"You mean?"

"Yes...you are Walken,  give into those instincts and dance up a storm.   As you do,  you will become more and more Walken-like with each step."

Being the obedient Walken I was,   I obeyed him as I nodded -  given that the sound of cowbell was in the actual song itself -   it was a very easy trigger for my Walken instincts,   I got up and took a few deep breaths as the background tone changed to a sepia tone.    The song played as I got up and danced,  mimicking Walken's steps perfectly -  letting my Walkeny instincts kick in and guide me.  

It felt so good to just let loose and dance like the good Walken was,  after all - all that mattered to me was dancing,  singing,  hunting,  and being ever so Walkeny.  Trivial human things did not matter to me,  in fact I completely forgot the events prior to this and just focussed on dancing,  because dancing was my passion.

Each step of the dance triggered a different phase of the transformation,  with each Walkeny dance move I did the more Walkeny I got.   The little amount of body hair and other skin-imperfections simply faded away,  melting into nothing to be replaced with beautiful,  pale ghostly Walken-like skin that crept up my legs,   my jeans twisting,  contorting and peeling apart to reform into the pants of an elegant business suit.    Naturally my legs elongated and stretched,  growing longer and thinner,  lengthening until they were Walken's legs.

With my new legs came the urge to dance even more and I gave in,  fully allowing the Walkeny instincts to take over -  controlling every step of my movement.  Instinctively,  I got up on the table and started dancing once more -  kicking and tap-dancing,  showing off my new moves as my sneakers slowly morphed into an elegant pair of black business shoes.    My feet and legs now looking more Walkeny in appearance.    Noticing the belt that had now wrapped itself around my waist,  I gave a smile as I admired my changing form.

My torso,  chest,   back and stomach were the next to slim down as the pale skintone from before -   I saw my t-shirt and jacket slowly peeling away and reforming into the top half of the buisness suit.

In the process my arms slimmed down and extended,   growing longer and thinner -  as the pale skintone crept up them and on the front and backs of my hands,  my hands morphing to resemble Walken's hands with the knuckles becoming sharper and more pronounced,   as my fingers grew slightly longer.

I pranced merrily over to the doors as they opened on my command,  swinging through them before heading over to the front of the lobby and hitting the bell gently,   causing it to make a happy dinging sound.   I felt myself slowly growing taller as I shot up from my normal height to 6'ft,  my frame was much more lithe and Walken-like now.   I danced back through the doors and jumped onto a luggage cart,  spinning around on it before jumping off it

Next I set my sets on the escalator  as I stepped up onto it and moved my upperbody to the beat of the music,   running up and down the steps in time,   feeling so happy and energetic - just lettting it all go and letting my Walkeny instinct take over.
 
I pranced down to the corridor as the Walkeny instincts guided me,  it felt so natural to move like this and with so much energy,  doing a sommersault as I leaped -  I got up on the table and did a few kicks and flips,  kicking off all the magazines and papers.    I let out a soft growl as the pale skintone reached my neck,   allowing my neckline to elongate and become thinner -   becoming like Walken's neck as a red tie formed around my neck.

Next,  I headed towards the elevator -  signalling for it to open with my right hand before stepping inside it.    The elevator lifted me up to the balcony as my face paled to match the rest of my skintone,   my hair slowly turning a sandy brown almost blonde color as it prickled up,   becoming Walken's hair in style and texture before straightening a bit.    My eyes turned from brown to icy blue with dark green inner rings as they grew narrower,  becoming slightly sunken in the process.
 
My eyebrows thinned and turned sandy brown to match my hair as my ears flattened also becoming slightly pointed at the tips,  my forehead elevating itself higher up -  becoming Walken's forehead.   My lips thinned out,  curving into a crescentian shape with pointed tips as my nose shrank a little,   my features slowly altering to be more brachyian in appearance as my cheekbones sharpened,  my cheeks becoming slightly sunken as my chin narrowed out,  making my jaw-line more angular.

All of my Walkeny instincts and thoughts took over completely as I rushed over to the balcony,  jumped off it and flew gracefully through the air,   to the ceiling and walls of the hotel room.  

It felt so natural to just let my Walkeny instincts take over,   because that's what I was...a 'Walken',  a good loyal obedient Walken,  whose only desires are to roar,  growl,  act, sing,  hunt and to dance as well as to obey Jon,   my beloved master.  

As I landed back down on the ground I took a deep breath,  my voice deepened and lowered,  altering in tone until it matched Walken's own,  with the New York accent -   plus with the stoic and hypnotic mannerisms to go with it,   all of my speech patterns becoming Walken's own as the transformation completed.    I sat back down on the armchair,   proudly admiring my own feats and my transformation.

"I am and always will be Walken.."

"Yes,   you are."

"Did I go good,  master?"

"Yes,   you did."

"I feel a lot better now too."

"I knew you would,   after all -  you do enjoy being your Walkeny self,  don't you Chris?"

"Oh yes...I do.."

Two men from nearby stood there astonished in reaction to what had happened before, both of them couldn't believe their eyes -  for what they witnessed was beyond supernatural in more ways than one.

"Did you just see what I saw earlier?"

"You mean a man turning into Christopher Walken and breaking out into a dance number and then flying?"

"Yeah..how did you know?"

"I saw it too.   And I still don't know how they did it."

"It's Walken...don't question it."

"Sorry."

With that I turned to Jon,  my beloved master and hugged him before slinking off -  free to be my Walkeny self once again.    Being a human was okay but deep down I will always be Walken,   my wonderful Walkeny self.  

The lesson here is do not be afraid to be yourself,   but if you do be yourself -  at least have fun with it -  no one wants to be boring now,  do they?   Of course not.

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Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Peter Pan Live! - Christopher Walken Talks Captain Hook (Interview)

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Russell Brand TF

NOTE:
The following transformation guide is to be used as a last resort or as a fear coping method,  and of course it is mostly from the perspective of my character,   it is not to be taken seriously as this is not a new ‘persona’  change so to speak,   he is still Chris and Chris is part of the ‘Walken’ storyline,   this storyline is different and separate from the others as it is its own entity with a different theme which incorporates elements from mythology and folklore as well as various takes on shapeshifting.  And is also a Beauty And The Beast tale.    Please remember that none of this is by any means real and all in good fun.   So without further ado,  enjoy this little tale.

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Hello once again fellow Monster maniacs,   i’m your host Monstermaster13 with a very exclusive new episode of Transformation Guides -  featuring a transformation that is only to be used as a last resort or fear coping method but it invokes an entirely different theme than the others as it uses mythology and folklore as well as fairytales as influences.   The fairytale in particular being Beauty And The Beast.   Speaking of beast,  I believe you already know of our special ‘friend’  Russell Brand,   of course you do.   This man is practically everywhere and may in fact be proof of monsters existing in modern society.   Russell will be the ‘Beast’ my character turns into in this mini-spin-off,   don’t worry this is an easily reversible transformation but because of the fairytale theme,   there will be a twist to it.



The tale of Beauty And The Beast is one that has been told many times and adapted just as many times as well,   both in animation and live action.  As well as paid homage to many times in commercials,   music videos,  comics,  cartoons,   movies and video games.  So, grab yourself a chair and sit yourself down,  be prepared for a true Beast of a tale with my Russell transformation guide.

Prologue: Once Upon A Time



Since this has a fairytale theme to it,   our little transformation guide will start off like most traditional fairytales hence the title of this stage is the classic ‘once upon a time’  opening line that fairytales have.    The lead character of this little tale is portrayed by me -  and he is a young man cursed to become Russell until he can find someone to love and have them love him in return.      It begins with me in the role of the titular young man in a modern day fairytale setting,  living within a fine castle.     Like in the Disney version,  he will receive a knock at the door from a strange woman,   but rather than turning her down because of how she looks -  he will simply say that there’s no room -  which of course is where she becomes the enchantress and puts the curse on him.    When this prologue is done we’ll start with the transformation scene itself.

Stage 1:  The Russell Brand Attitude.


This is the official first part of the process and this is where I get a change in mindset and personality,   which is to say I develop Russell’s personality traits and intelligence as well as a bit of his mindset,   of course not completely but it is present throughout the process and helps me get in character.    Russell is a very peculiar specimen in terms of personality traits and is very complex.

To aid with how Russell’s body language works i’ve used a bit of animal inspiration from the following animals,   male peacock (the term ‘strut like a peacock’),   canines specifically wolves and similar wild dogs,  and domesticated dogs (For the playful and affectionate side of Russell),  felines especially domesticated cats (body language and flexibility) and to a lesser extent owls,  vultures and ravens (the ‘perching’ pose)

Once in Russell’s mindset the physical half of the transformation will take place in the next stage,   which is of course stage 2.

Stage 2:  Something Hairy’s Going On.


Brace yourself for this part dear reader,   for this second part of the process is going to get pretty hairy,   literally.    As this is the part where I actually shift into Russell,  starting with a slight increase in body hair -  Russell style body hair is more or less on the same level as a werewolf but not completely into  werewolf territory,   and the hair itself changes color from its normal color to jet black.    It spreads on the chest,  torso,  arms and legs with patches of black ‘fur’  on the hands and also on the boots as mentioned below.

In the process my clothing peels away and reshapes into the signature black leather outfit Russell is most commonly seen wearing in photos,  including the boots -  a little bit of Russell’s mindset kicks in but not as to overpower me.

Once this part is done,  we’ll move onto stage 3.

Stage 3:  Lean,  Wild and Hairy




The third part of the process is where I basically grow in height to about 6’2 (Russell’s height), develop Russell’s skintone and also slim down to become more lithe -  starting with the arms and legs extending to become longer and thinner.  

In the process,  various Russell specific accessories materialize on my outfit.   I should mention though that even though Russell’s personality traits and mannerisms are still developing at this point,   I am still mostly me -  just with Russell’s mindset and such -  which shouldn’t be much of a problem.

At this point I pretty much have the mindset,  personality,  skintone,  outfit,  height and build of Russell himself except there’s a few modifications which I will discuss  in the part that’s coming up, so stay tuned for stage 4 which is where I will bring these modifications up.


Stage 4:  Truly Savage Style


This is the fourth part of the transformation and this is where I bring up the modifications,  first of all even though I am becoming exactly like Russell due to the afforementioned changes from earlier including the mindshift,   I will essentially be a more tame and less...well...savage version of him in terms of my mentality and instincts,   but I will develop heightened senses and inhuman agility and animal-like reflexes -   but this part of it is a superpowered bonus needed for combating the real Russell in my nightmares.

My hair grows longer and messier before turning jet black and taking on Russell’s signature style,  my neckline becoming longer and thinner as Russell’s ‘sanskrit’ tattoo appears on my arm as well as a few markings.   My eyebrows change next as they thicken and turn black,  arching a little to give me a slightly dangerous edge.  

Other modifications that may come with this include fingernails that can become retractable claws,  a headpiece with wolf-like ears and a slightly lupine tail,  emphasizing the more lupine aspects of Russell’s appearance.  The ears perk up if I am excited or happy,  tense up if i’m angered and droop if i’m upset,  and the tail moves and wags like a real wolf’s tail does.

When this part concludes I now possess Russell’s hair and eyebrows in addition to his frame, outfit,  height,  mindset and personality -  and once this part is done we’ll be moving onto stage 5.

Stage 5:  Two Russells Are Worse Than One.



This part of the process is where it will become near impossible to recognize me once this next set of changes happens,   this is basically where my facial appearance shifts to resemble Russell’s.   Which means I will be looking exactly like him.

It starts with my forehead becoming slightly more pronounced,   my eyes becoming slightly wider and turning a darker shade of brown,   my nose narrowing,   my facial structure becoming more triangular, my cheekbones become sharper and more pronounced,  dark eyeliner lightly gets applied around my eyes,  my lips reshaping a bit and my whole face slowly morphing and reshaping until it looks exactly like Russell’s.   

The morph also has variations,  one is the regular facial haired Russell variant in which Russell’s slightly visible trademark facial hair grows on my face and the other is the clean-shaven Arthur variant in which I take on the look of Russell’s version of the Dudley Moore character Arthur Bach.  Of course like I mentioned there are a few modifications for this,  mainly the fact that I have my canine teeth extending to become like fangs.

Once this part of the transformation is complete,  we’ll move onto the final stage of the transformation which is where it will come to completion,   so watch closely.

Final Stage:  Revolution In Ponderland


Here’s where you won’t be able to tell me apart from the real Russell,  as you’ll find that this point i’ll start to speak like him,  gradually developing his voice and signature Essex orientated British accent - so you’ll probably have trouble trying to see if it is me in there,  at this point the physical process is completed and I am fully Russell in appearance except with a few alterations,  mainly the wolf-like ears on the wearable headpiece,  claws,  fangs and a wolf-like tail, or on occasion raven or ‘Maleficent’ styled wings that are coated in black feathers for flying.   And the other minor difference being my eyes will glow and turn yellow and wolf-like if i’m angered or under stress,  which is a nod to Big Wolf On Campus (specifically Tommy wolfing out).

At this point the mental half of the transformation reaches a climax,  but I still retaining a few of my old former quirks despite being Russell mentally and physically,  as I am a much tamer less insane version of him which means i’m not as well...naughty,  in otherwords I am basically more human than the real Russell when i’m like this.   Because much like the Phantom Of The Opera,  Quasimodo,  Frankenstein or the Beast...I am a more human monster in terms of my overall nature.

Once this part is completed the process is done and the new alternate Russell has fully emerged,  this form is to be used as either a last-resort or emergency transformation in case none of my other forms are strong enough to take on the real Russell.   

With all that said….I am now almost indistinguishable from the real Russell and my transformation is complete both physically and mentally,  but remember it’s still me in there -  and i’m the one with the wolf-like ears,  glowing eyes,  wings,  fangs and claws.

So what happens to our hero after this?  Find out in the epilogue.

Epilogue:  Hopefully Happily Ever After.


You’ll be glad to know that the story will end happily for me even though i’m fully Russell both mentally and physically,   after all -  all it requires to be turned back to normal is to find someone who will love me and learn to love them so that they will grow to love me in return, you’ll also be glad to know it is reversible and I can morph back to normal if I wish too,  it will most likely wear off by morning and I will revert to being normal Nathan/Chris then.   So i’m not stuck as Russell forever.

Originally I planned on this process being a lot scarier but I went with the fairytale and mythology theme,  in particular Beauty And The Beast because I’m fond of the ‘Misunderstood Monster’  trope when it comes to my monstrous creations.    My variation of Russell or me as Russell is influenced by this trope as well as Beast And Beauty.    Because I feel that since Russell is a rather beastly guy...why not go with a rather beastly fairytale to match?

I’m Monstermaster13 and this has been my long-planned Russell Brand themed special edition of transformation guides.    I hope that this will be useful to you should Russell manifest in my nightmares once again.   Now if you excuse me,  i’m going to perch like an owl/raven/crow and keep watch for anything Russelly.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Jersey Boys Review


Chris:
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Walken-A-Thon Hallo-Walken countdown,  i’m your host Chris the alpha Walken and tonight you humans are all in for a treat.    Do you know what a Walken loves to do the most?   Sing and dance.   Walkens and She-Hessians are naturally gifted dancers.     So,  I think it’s time I reviewed the latest Walken exploit -  Jersey Boys,  and it’s about time I got to reviewing it.

It took me a while to go and see this movie,   because it took me almost a week to take the time to go to the cinema and watch it,  it was never on at a suitable time and I ended up missing out but finally I have seen it and I will review it.

Released in June of this year,   I - Chris the alpha Walken present...Jersey Boys.  Based on the musical of the same name,   this movie is based on the meteoric rise to fame of the popular oldies group the Four Seasons.

The cast from the stage show all reprise their roles here and they all do wonderful,  the songs are memorable and catchy as hell and the humor is also superb,   I like how they break the fourth wall just like in a John Landis movie.    And yes,  Joe Pesci is in this movie -  no not the actual Joe Pesci,  but Joey Russo plays him.   Yes,  THAT Joe Pesci.  

You know the one from Goodfellas which is what those funny pigeons in Animaniacs were a parody of?  Yep, the same Joe Pesci who was Mr Big in Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker and Harry the crook in Home Alone 1 and 2.

Of course -  you all came here to see the ‘Walken’.   And you shall not be disappointed.  For the Walken appears as Angelo ‘Gyp’  Decarlo,  the mob boss who serves as a wise godfather figure to the band and helps them on their quest for fame.    And yes,   the Walken dances -  but it’s at the end.   But seeing the Walken dance is a treat anyway so you’ll just love seeing him do it anyway.

And by the way...in case you are wondering what I think of Walken in his Captain Hook costume from the upcoming Peter Pan Live….I approve.   He certainly does look very good as Hook and I have to say this variation of the captain may in fact top the Disney version,  Dustin Hoffman,  Tim Curry in Peter Pan And The Pirates,   and even Once Upon A Time.  So I am psyched.

This movie was fantastic and I loved everything about it,  it’s a feel good movie and a damn fine one at that.    Also,  I envy the costume designers who design costumes for Christopher Walken in his movies.   Because Walken looks beautiful no matter what he’s wearing.

Watching this movie was exactly what I needed to get rid of my pesky mental blocks,  and now I feel so happy and Walkeny once again.  I can’t wait to start making more Walkens and She-Hessians and to teach them how to roar,  growl,  sing,  dance,  act,  and be ever so Walkeny...rrr….*he growls in happiness*.  

I have a feeling that the Hallo-Walken festivities will simply be wonderful,   in fact i’m inviting all of my human friends to join me -  so that they too can be Walkeny too.   Turning people into Walkens ALWAYS gives me those nice happy,  soothing,  blissful feelings.     I’ve made it my mission to spread my Walkeny joy with the entire human world and I have been doing it oh so well and making my master Jon oh so proud.

If my master Jon aka Legrandzilla is reading this,   I have to say...thank you,  thank you for giving me the gift of Walkenity and making me forever a beautiful and hypnotic Walken -  for you have made me very happy.    I’ve always dreamed of being Walken and now...I am him, I am so happy to be Walkeny -  I like it so much more than being human...because Walken is wonderful and like him...I too am wonderful.

So come,  my loyal human subjects.   Let’s all celebrate!  I recommend seeing the Jersey Boys and I give it two Walkenized thumbs up,  a ten out of ten on the cowbell scale and a high recommendation.   It’s ever so much fun.

I’m Chris the alpha Walken and this has been my review of Jersey Boys,  but I am not done yet -  stay tuned,   the Walken-A-Thon will continue with more Walkeny goodness and there is more to come.    Now if you excuse me,  I think I feel a dance number coming on.  *Weapon Of Choice by Fatboy Slim plays as he gets up and dances,  mimicking the moves from the Fatboy Slim video*

*clips of Walken dancing are played as well as the music video for Weapon Of Choice as Chris the alpha Walken is seen dancing along to the music,   as if interacting with the real CW on screen,   giving the illusion of two Christopher Walkens dancing together in the video

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Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Walken as Hook


A Business Affair review


Chris:
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Walken’s den for another installment of the Walken-A-Thon and the Countdown to Hallo-Walken.   Hallo-Walken is approaching rapidly - I hope all you good humans out there remember to place an offering of cowbell as well as pay tribute to the great and almighty Alpha Walken because if you do,  he might reward you by turning you into a Walken or She-Hessian.

Today I will be reviewing a Walken movie that i’ve been wanting to review for a long time,  especially since I became a full fledged Waken.   This movie i’m talking about came out in 1994 and is titled A Business Affair.  

The story of this movie revolves around a writer played by Carole Boquet who finds herself falling in love with two different men,   Alec (played by Jonathan Pryce) and the rather dashing and alluring Vanni Corso,  naturally played by Walken.    Walken certainly has a knack for playing these hypnotic and charismatic characters.   Vanni is such a smooth operator and he’s oh so charming too,   he just sweeps our heroine off her feet.  

His speech about mentally dying if he doesn’t get some action is enough to convince me to give up the masquerade of impersonating a human and fully embrace my inner Walkenity. I mean who could concentrate after hearing him utter this?

(Vanni Corso:
I need to feel invincible. I’m Sicilian. If a Sicilian man doesn’t have sex every day, he gets sick. And he dies.)

If he said that to me  in my human form,  I would forget completely about ever being a human and just transform into my natural Walkeny form and give in to the full beautiful process of becoming Walken-like.

It is a known-fact that male Walkens such as myself are known for their charisma and seductiveness,   and they know how to charm the pants off their would be victims,  of course by the time the victims try to do something about it - it’s too late,  as by then they have  fallen completely in the Walken’s power and they are his to command,  and it’s then that they become a Walken or She-Hessian themselves.

I think Walken is at his most alluring in this movie,  especially in the scenes with him and Carole.   Like when he’s kissing her and kissing her neck...it looks like he’s going to sprout his Hessian Horseman teeth and bite her...mmm….rrr…her blood must taste delightful.  *growls slightly and licks his lips*  Oops,  sorry about that.  I was just thinking about the blood that I am looking forward to lapping up.   Also it’s just whenever I see Walken with a female lead being romantic,  I can’t help but think of the Hessian at the end of Sleepy Hollow when he kissed Lady Van Tassell.

Walken dances in this movie as well,   and who doesn’t love a dancing Walken?  After all - dancing is part of how a Walken entices their subject.  And that’s not all, Walken appears shirtless as well -  that’s eye-candy for all you bloodthirsty young She-Hessians out there who are lusting for some Walken action.

I heavily recommend watching this movie if you are a Walken fan,  I give it 10 out of 10 and two Walkenized thumbs up.   If you loooove Walken,  or if you want to indulge in something romantic for both you and your loved one -  you should definitely watch this.

I am Chris the alpha Walken and this has been my review of A Business Affair,   stay tuned for more wonderfully Walkeny reviews during the Walken-A-Thon and also for the very special Hallo-Walken countdown.

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