Thursday, 13 August 2015

Walken Infection

TftW:  Walken Infection.
Christopher Walken TF/Hypnosis theme.
There was no denying it,  Nathan was falling more and more under the spell of Christopher Walken, each time he fell asleep -  he dreamed he was with Walken,  but it was more than that...he was also dreaming  that he was turning into him,  it was slowly but surely taking over him as the transformations happened.   And the more they happened...the less human he fact each time it happened,  the more he began to view humans as 'prey'  or 'potential victims' to be turned...and the more he felt that he didn't belong with them...the power Walken had over him increasing with each passing night,  and by the time he would even consider doing something about was already too late to do anything about it...for this was only the beginning.

Like a virus,   Walken is infectious and once it starts spreading around,   the more difficult it is to stop it from infecting you or anyone else.   And there are numerous reasons and causes for this to spread,  but the most common is if you are sired or turned by another Walken.   Now what kind of monster is a Walken you ask?

A 'Walken' is basically akin to a classic horror movie styled vampire -  well with a twist...a rather Christopher Walkeny twist at that...and they're known for being a Boogieman type figure in monster folklore...humans often tell stories about them to scare others into behaving.    Actually Walkens are in the same family as vampires,  only they are a more unique breed than most.

And guess who was likely to be one of them or become one of them?  That's right - Nathan was,  if the dreams were any indication...he was soon going to be one of them,  perhaps given his relationship with the real Walken himself -  he was going to take after him and be an alpha.    A couple of hours later after he had his dream,  he awoke to find a couple of bite-marks on his neck,   he let out a yawn -  but the yawn itself..sounded like a gentle growling sound -  he didn't know what was going on or why he just 'growled' like that...but he had a hunch it had something to do with those dreams.

Just then he heard what sounded like an ominous but oddly hypnotic voice,   the voice was also very familiar to him,  very distinctive -  with a New York accent,  and a very low,  haunting and eerie set of speech mannerisms and a very...hypnotic tone to go with it.   Listening closely,  he could instantly tell who was talking to him.


"Yes,  my young thrall...I am here."

"But...this can't be..."

"Oh,  but it is..."

"What's going on here?  Is this part of the strange dreams i've been having?"

"Ah yes...the dreams...the visions."


"The reason I am here is because those dreams weren't dreams...those were visions,  they were real...and each one is an indication of what your destiny is to be.  You..are destined to me."

"You mean...I have been visions of morphing into you and enjoying them?  But how?"

"Because...I am the one that has been there the whole time... I am the original Walken and I am the one that gave you that bitemark you have on your neck, you see...I bit you one night while you were asleep..dreaming sweet dreams."

"You're the one who bit me?   But why?"

"Because...well... I knew it was only a matter of time until you would fall under my spell. Oh yes,  I can see it now. You falling ever so softly into a trance while your mind fades away into a much darker place."

"What do you mean?"

"As the original Walken...I can turn any human I desire into a Walken or She-Hessian...and if that human is one of the lucky few...they may become just like me...and guess who that lucky human is.."

"Wait...are you saying that i'm the lucky human who you've chosen to turn into a
'Walken',  like you?"


"Wow...that's quite an honor,  but why me of all people?  Clearly I am not worthy of joining your ranks."

"'ve always been my willing Walkeny thrall.  All those times you were searching for me in your were searching for me because I am...your master,  and your developing Walkeny instincts were telling you to follow me and to find that we can be united."

"You're my...m-m-master?"

"Why yes,  I am...remember that first blood moonlight night?  And how entranced you were by it...and how much it reminded you of blood...and how you had that hunger and thirst deep down for it?"

"Why yes...actually."

"Remember when you tasted blood for the first time and how you couldn't get enough?"


"It's been a long time since then...and're officially going to turn...soon,  all you'll want to do is obey me and be so blissfully Walkeny...all those pesky things that bothered you as a human will no longer bother you as much,  and you'll soon forget ever being human in the first place."

"I'm going to become like you?  Is there a cure for this?"

"It's too late now...for once you have caught my Walkeny virus and have been bitten,  the more difficult it becomes for you to try and fight it...or to prevent it...even as I speak,  the mental and physical effects are starting to take over already."

"I....don't think i'm ready for this...I...I..I...gotta have more cowbell!"

Reacting in shock at what he just said,  he covered his mouth with his hand...he couldn't believe the words that just escaped out of his mouth...he couldn't believe he just said he wanted more cowbell,  and yet...he really did say that.   His developing Walkeny instincts were starting to show...and he couldn't help it.    And was becoming more evident,  he was finding it hard to was Walken's voice intoning in his head.

"Ah,  those are the Walkeny instincts taking over alright...try to deny it all you like,  but you know that it's getting harder to control them...sometimes,  you just can't help but to give into that Walkeny instinct of yours."

"But...did I really just say I want more cowbell?"

"Oh yes, you did.  Your Walkeny instincts know that they want cowbell,  face it - the sweet,  melodic sound of cowbell enticing you even more...following you wherever you go and it's calling Walken..."

"I didn't say wasn't me."

"Try and deny it all you want,  my cowbell-crazed friend...but you know that those Walkeny instincts are slowly taking over you...and the more they take over you,   the less human you start to feel...and the more Walkeny you become."

"But i'm human...i've always been..."

"Or really?  Well how about now?"


Just as he was about to reply,   the blinds suddenly blew open as if by supernatural magic to reveal the moon,  it was blood red -  just like it was on the very first night -   all of a sudden, it became difficult for him to think straight...he was starting to feel so very,  very,  thirsty...thirsty for blood.   He couldn't think properly...all he could think about was blood,  precious delicious blood...and cowbell.

It was as if his human thoughts and traits were being slowly overtaken by a more bloodthirsty cowbell crazed set of instincts and traits...something less than human...something akin to Walken, his human thoughts were fading rapidly as well, he no longer even could consider ever being human to begin fact..he was starting to feel like he belonged to the night and to the blood red moon and to a child of the night.  

Instinctively he started to growl and then bow before Walken, developing admiration for his 'master' and being ever so obedient. He was starting to give in to the developing Walkeny instincts,  and he didn't mind fact...he was already starting to think like a Walken.

"Now...what are you?"

"A Walken...master...a very Walkeny Walken..."

"Of course you've always been a Walken...and you like being Walkeny..."

"Yes master,   i've always been a Walken..."

"That's don't ever recall being a human..."

"Human?  No...I'm a Walken,  and i'm so happy being a Walken..."

"Ever since I first visited you in your visions...I have been calling you towards me -  and you have been searching for me.   After all -  every Walken needs a master...and I am yours,  you are MY Walken."

"I am yours...master."

"Of course you are,  and you're such a good,  loyal,  obedient Walken.."


His willpower was slowly but surely slipping away and all he could think about was serving his new master and being so obedient and loyal and also...of being a perfectly obedient Walken and taking after Walken himself.    Now...he was definitely thinking more like a Walken than a human,  and yet...he didn't mind...he was so blissfully entranced.

It was always so easy for him to be hypnotized and turned by Walken -  his master,  because deep down he always felt like he should have been a creature of the night and could relate to him on that,  in the visions he had it always was a soothing and relaxing process - and of course Walken was like a father figure and mentor to him.

Walken of course always had that hypnotic effect on humans due to him being the original Walken and all but he had always had that connection with Nathan,  after all -  Walkens have the power to manipulate dreams and give their victims dreams of becoming a fellow Walken or She-Hessian.   But Walken's connection to him was something special.

It seemed that he had chosen Nathan to be what was known in Walken terms as an Alpha
Walken,  why? To serve as an apprentice of course. this was a rare occurrence that only happened to a few lucky subjects.    But in a way this kind of made sense considering how much prior to this Nathan had studied Walkenology and vampirism.   He had always been that much closer to Walkenity...but now there was no denying it -  he was going to be just like Walken himself.

"That's right...and since I have chosen are going to be my apprentice."

"An apprentice,  master?"

"Why yes...a fine alpha Walken much like myself,  I shall raise you and train you to be as vampiric and alluring as me.   And just as Walkeny."

"But master...I don't look Walkeny...I look human,  that's not good for a Walken."

"Oh,   but you will."

"I should be as beautiful as you."

"And you will...relax..."

Without hesitation,   he decided to let Walken wield his Walken magic on him and to let him influence him -  after all,  he was soon-going-to-be a Walken himself and he knew that he would become just as beautiful as his master.    It was already becoming so hard for him to imagine being anything but a good,  loyal,  obedient alpha Walken.

He instinctively growled in admiration for his master as his Walkeny instincts started kicking in,  his appetite drastically shifting to a more bloodthirsty human drinks would no longer suffice,  no -  this young alpha Walken deserved something better.   He wanted blood, real blood...human blood to be exact.  

His stomach growled as it burned with thirst..he hissed slightly as he started licking his lips at the thought of tasting human blood -  such delicious blood it was -  all that blood that was good for a young Walken like was good for him,  good FOR HIM.  Instinctively he started licking up the remaining drops of blood from where he was bitten, tasted delicious...he growled happily as he did so.

It was then that his transformation started to happen,  he could feel a warm chilling sensation going through his entire body,   and he could see skin imperfections slowly fading away as his skintone slowly began to pale,  becoming almost vampiric as his arms elongated and thinned while his fingers grew longer,   his hands drastically shifting until they looked more like Walken's hands.    He growled as he let the changes happen,  knowing that fighting the transformation would be a bad thing to do.  

He started writhing a bit in his nightshirt and pants as they slowly were being drained out and peeling away,   but in the process they melded together and morphed into an elegant black regal outfit with a Hessian motif and a spider insignia on the front - which he rather liked.  He recognized the spider insignia,  it was the same that was on his royal coat of arms which was very suitable for him in many ways.

Arching his back slightly,  he could see and feel it slenderize along with his chest,  stomach and torso...the pale skintone fully creeping upwards as his legs slenderized to make him more agile,  in the process the urge to break out into dance numbers took hold of of many Walkeny instincts he has developing.

His legs were also pale and rapidly shifting to become Walken-like as well,   he growled a few more times as supernatural energy jolted through his entire body -  enhancing his strength and agility to inhuman levels,  as his senses heightened.   Just then he heard a series of stretching sounds as he slowly elevated in height to 6'ft...which was Walken's height.

Feeling both his shoulders and neckline become more slender in build,  he let out another growl as the changes progressed -  this time it happened from the neck up as his hair slowly began to prickle up a bit as it turned a sandy brown color,  developing the style and texture of Walken's hair as his ears pointed a little bit.   His face slowly paled to match the rest of his face as his forehead elevated itself higher up,   his eyebrows thinning themselves out a bit and turning sandy brown as his eyes turned from hazel to icy blue with green inner rings as they spread out,  narrowing and become slightly sunken.

He felt a more bloodthirsty and obedient mindset taking over him as new thoughts and memories came into existence,  memories of being a wonderful and hypnotic actor with a knack for playing scary characters and for also being a good dancer...a great one in fact,  he was even starting to have visions of a young woman named Lilian...the woman was one who he swore must have been a lover for his master in a past life.   Mentally he continued shifting until he felt more and more like a Walken than a human.

He could feel his face starting to morph and alter forever as his nose altered until it resembled Walken's nose,  in the process his lips slowly thinned a little before curving into crescentian shape with pointed tips,   his cheekbones sharpened to become more pronounciated as his cheeks became sunken,   his jaw-line shifted to become angular as his chin narrowed out and his features Walkenized to match the rest of his changed he was not only feeling Walkeny...but looking Walkeny as well.

Feeling a grumbling in his throat,  he took a few deep breaths which made his voice change and grow deeper and more haunting with each breath,  warping and altering his normal voice into something much more fitting of this new appearance...a voice that was menacing, alluring,  and powerful...a voice that hypnotize people...the voice of Christopher Walken...his normal speech patterns and mannerisms changing to match,  altering to become well...Walken-like.   He couldn't help but let out a few low Walkeny growls as his voice finished changing,  his voice...was now that of Walken as well - complete with the speech patterns,  vocal tone and the accent.

His new Walkeny instincts took over completely as he growled in satisfaction and his personality shifted to become like Walken's....and from what he could tell,  there was no Nathan anymore...only Walken.   The new Walken,  looking and sounding like his new master,   growled softly.   All traces of humanity completely vanished...replaced with Walkeninity.   Yes...he had completely morphed and transformed into Christopher Walken himself.

"Welcome to the Walken's apprentice,  tell me...what is your name?"

"Why,  my name is Christopher but humans call me Chris."

"That's right...and what are you?"

"A Walken.  An obedient,  hypnotic,  loyal Walken who loves his master very much."

"And do you like being a Walken?"

"Oh yesssss...I love it."

"Good,   because you'll be becoming this form every night from now on and with each will get more powerful as a Walken...and you'll love it,  because you'll get to hypnotize many humans."

"I get to hypnotize humans with my supernatural Walkeny powers?  That is so wonderful,  master...and I can't wait to try my new powers."

"Any human who gazes into the eyes of a Walken will fall into a trance-like state and be filled with the newfound desire to obey everything the Walken tells them to do,  even if that means obtaining blood for said Walken...and more than that...they'll develop Walkeny instincts and traits and start thinking they are Walkens themselves.."

"And they'll turn?"

"Oh yes...those humans will turn -  into beautiful alluring Walkens capable of serving their new master while female humans will become She-Hessians who the Walken will respect and adore for all eternity."

"Does Walkenization hurt?"

"Only if the human resists or tries to fight it..."

"Now that's silly,  master.   Why would a human try to fight the process of being turned into a Walken?   After all...I'm pretty sure they would love to be a Walken like us and especially considering how much they adore you."

"Humans are silly in general...and they are scared of us.  But luckily,  you can assume a human-like form to disguise your Walkenishness,   and you can turn into any role that i've played in my movies."

"Ooooh....I like that."

"As you should.  Being a Walken is an honor and a blessing.   Now... are you ready to put your Walkeninity and hunting prowess to the test?"


"Good,  but before we do so...we must have a change of scenery...look at how dreary and boring this place you're living in is."

Walken used his supernatural powers to change Chris's room into a fantastic gothic palace fit for a dark prince along with a wonderful throne-room and den for him and future Walkens/She-Hessians to spend the night.   Chris growled happily and hugged his new master,  he loved his new palace.

He let out a roar as he underwent a few more final changes -  as his fingernails lengthened and sharpened and his teeth slowly underwent the same process with his canines extending to become fangs while the rest of his teeth developed sharp Hessian-like points,   he hissed as he licked his lips at the thought of hunting for human blood.   Now he was fully a Walken and he was ready to hunt for his favorite master.    

With that,   Walken and his new apprentice began their hunt for human blood and for victims to be turned into  Walkens/She-Hessians.   Now fully identifying himself as a Walken and also as Christopher Walken,   the new Walken was extremely pleased with what he had done and proud to be what he was.  

As for what happened to him later,   he grew to be a strong and fierce young Walken in his own right and formed his own Walken army in a matter of weeks,   his new bloodlust took a while to get used to but he didn't into such thoughts made him glad to be Walkeny.     He later befriended a human named Jon who was a fan of Walken also and knew a lot about Walkens,  and he formed a strong relationship with him as well as with the real Walken himself...his master.

That,  my dear friends is the tale of how the Walken saga you know and love came into existence and how the Walken persona that is beloved on DA's own forums also came into being as well,   now he roams the night as a Walken always on the prowl for human blood like any good vampiric being should.  

Remember,   like I said earlier...Walken is like a virus and is very infectious,  for once you've gotten the Walken virus in your blood and in you...there's no stopping it,  and even when you think you can stop it in will already be too late for you by then,  as slowly but surely you'll be losing the battle against the Walken and become a Walken or She-Hessian too -  soon you won't be able to help but feel Walkeny.

And even if you think you're safe from might have to check again,  because you might already be infected and are turning as we speak.    After all,  there's no escaping Walken and once he's got you under his power,   there's no way to stop it or prevent it from infecting others as well.

Someone you know could in fact be a Walken...some very close to you,  even someone you love...even Your Humble Narrator here could really be a Walken.   Good thing there's no such thing as Walkens,  right?

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Thursday, 30 April 2015

WTF Is This?

I'm sorry, I was willing to give this a chance but now I have lost all faith in this. I don't like how this is going at all. Kenny Ortega really was the wrong choice to direct this also...I don't like how the villains look like they stepped out of a bad cosplay photoshoot. Are the villain offspring supposed to look like they shop at Hot Topic or are bad X-Men cosplayers? Is this a Disney Villain offspring group or a Young Ones tribute act?   I KNEW that Disney's Descendants was going to suck...and it looks that way.   I'm sorry,   I tried to give it a chance...I really did,  but that trailer just says everything I need to ever need to know.

Friday, 17 April 2015

From Dusk Till Dawn Review

From Dusk Till Dawn Review
By Monstermaster13
Hello my beloved children of the night,  it is I,  your beloved monstermaster and I have returned, if you're wondering about the other review I an working on -  let's just say it's probably the last time a certain British comedian showed his face before leading a 'revolution',  but enough about that - it's time for me to take you back to a time where vampires were actually awesome.   That time being 1996, and the movie in question...From Dusk Till Dawn.

I know I already talked about this movie during Halloween last year,  but....I thought it would be an awesone idea to talk about this movie in full,  of course everybody I know has seen this movie so I am not going to go over the whole plot,   but I am going to go over why I think this movie is awesome.     For starters, this is how I think a vampire movie should be,  it is scary and intense but also exotic and intriguing!   It's become one of my personal favorites,  so much so I am becoming obsessed with it -  i'm even starting to dream about it, you could say that in my dreams I am a regular at the Titty Twister, no i'm not a vampire yet,  but I feel I might become one very soon.  I even have a fan-made Grimm Wesen based on the vampires in  this movie!

I love how this movie is different than your typical run-of-the-mill horror flick,  it starts off as a typical Tarantino-esque crime caper only for it to become a kickass horror movie in the second half!  It took me by surprise!   Kudos to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino for their teamwork here.  

This movie is one no horror fan should be without,  as it is an absolute must for horror movie fans,  vampire movies,  and badass movies in general. It's movies like this and Bram Stoker's Dracula that make me wish i was a vampire myself,   I just have a thing for bloodthirsty monster types and monster-girls.  It's also movies like this and Sleepy Hollow that make me wish I was the one being bitten or kissed like that.   The same goes for Bram Stoker's Dracula, and you can't fault me for the latter because the Hessian in Sleepy Hollow is Christopher Walken and when Walken is on screen you don't question anything and just let Walken do the rest!

Also you cannot fault me for wanting to get bitten by Santanico Pandemonium because Salma Hayek is a motherfucking goddess,   and i'd gladly surrender to her and be her willing slave anytime.  Hey! It was that sexy dance that did it for me.  

That sexy dance scene.... by the way is...still impressive even to this day, even more impressive considering Salma Hayek is afraid of snakes and had to be hypnotized in order to overcome her fear.  I'd let her bite me anyday! I'd let her bite me anyday! And you can quote me on that! Santanico,  I LOOOOOVE you!  Let me be your personal vampire slave!  Please?

I  know it's wrong but let's just say I was extremely jealous of Richie, sure he was a psychopath,  but he was a lucky psychopath.   There's so many characters in this movie to love, including the Gecko brothers,  the Fullers,  Sheriff Earl,  Frost,  Razor Charlie but I think my personal favorite is this guy here.  Sex Machine.   This man is one badass mamajamma.  Just look at him.  How many people do you know that have a crotch-gun?  No one.

This guy is AWESOME!  I wanna hang out with him! One of the best scenes and also one of the funniest moments comes in the scene where we see Sex Machine transforming bit by bit into a vampire,  it just cracks me up -  especially when he covers his mouth after his fangs start forming,  and his right hand changes to become all monster-like with long claw-like fingernails and then his left hand changes and then he hides his hands behind his back.  And he's completely unaware of it at first as is everyone else.  It's got my two favorite kind of TFs (transformations) in them -  the 'Bit By Bit' variety where a person changes one part at a time,  and the 'Completely Unaware He/She is Transforming' kind where the transformee doesn't realize he/she is transforming.  It's no wonder Aardman paid tribute to this scene in Curse Of The Wererabbit.

If you listen closely you can hear the acid rock version of Star Spangled Banner playing during the part with the demonic voice telling him to 'kill them all'.   It definitely works, and makes the scene more eerie in tone.  Gotta love seeing Sex Machine transform like that!

Ooooh,  someone's been bitten! Sex Machine...why are you hiding your hands behind your back like that? Sex Machine? Are you okay? You've been acting a little bit out of it recently.   Why are you hiding your hands behind your back?

What moment moved me to tears?  I'll tell ya.

It has to be when Richie dies,  I know he's a psychopath - but that moment made me cry a little.  *sobs* Richie's gone? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh well,  he'll come back.. but here's the slight hiccup, he won't be human anymore and he'll probably be after your blood,  Seth - just a head's up.

As for the funniest moment?

Like I mentioned earlier,  it was the scene with Sex Machine transforming into a vampire, oh and Frost's reaction to being bitten by him as well, funny as hell and one of my personal favorite scenes.  (Frost: He fuckin' bit me! FUCKIN' BIT ME) That scene cracked me up to no end!

Do you know what scene got my heart-racing?  Well it's an easy one!

It's when Santanico saw the blood dripping from Richie's hand and she turned into her vampire form,  and when everyone started turning into vampires. *gasps* Why didn't you guys tell me you were all vampires? That is fucking awesome! I want to be a vampire too! Can I be one too? Can one of you guys bite me?  PUHLEEEEEEASE?

TGWTG's resident vampiress Maven of The Eventide talked about the hunting strategy of these vamps in her review,   comparing their methods to the Venus Flytrap and the female Anglerfish and I rightfully agree.    And yes,  I said FEMALE Anglerfish -  because most of the Anglers you see are in fact female,   all of the male ones are well...puny.   The female anglerfish is bioluminicent because she uses a lure (a light at the end of a rod protruding from their heads,  which are called illicums and extend over their eyes)  to lure her would be prey over to her -  once the prey is in sight,  she closes her jaw and she snaps up her prey.

It  is a pretty awesome movie and it is also incredibly badass,   especially with the action and crime elements,    the vamps are very intimidating and also intriguing.   Not to mention the ever alluring Salma Hayek as the vampiress Santanico Pandemonium, in fact quite hypnotic.   I'll admit that the vampire with the snapping mouth on her stomach is a bit much, but  why  quibble?

Fun fact: The color of the vampires blood is green because the MPAA has issues with it being red, they have absolutely no problem with blood - but they don't like it because it's red. It was indeed Tarantino's idea to give the vampires green blood to avoid the film from getting a rating higher than R and to get it past the censors.

If you love vampires,  watching this will bring you nothing but pure joy as this movie is amazing and it doesn't take itself too seriously.   It's just plain fun and a must watch for fans of vampire movies.     I rate it out ten out of ten and give it two monstrous clawed thumbs up,  if you haven't seen it -  watch it right away.    I wish the Titty Twister was real, then I would visit that place all the time!  I don't care if I would most likely end up as a blood-soaked meal for those vamps,  I would totally visit that bar on a regular basis!

Yes,  there were sequels and there is a tv series spin-off,   but I will be getting to those later on,   i'm Monstermaster13 and this has been my review of From Dusk Till Dawn,  now if you excuse me I feel like hanging out with my new friends at the Titty Twister! Will I become a vampire?  Who knows? Maybe I will.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

TftW: The Laughing Woman.

TftW: The Laughing Woman

Werehyena TF

NOTE:  This is a creepypasta inspired story involving a different take on Werecreatures,  mainly ones from various cultures.


This is the tale of a strange woman that resides in the insane asylum,  a woman who always seems to be smiling,  and always seems to be cheerful and happy.   She’s not insane - well at least not in the mental sense.

But she is peculiar,  her name is Marie Anne Mousette and she claims that at one point in her life that she was a queen or a priestess.    Some say that Mousette from Blues Brothers 2000 was based on her.

She believed in mysticism and shamanism,  and she was a firm believer in the occult - which is why she was locked in the asylum to begin with.   They believed she might end up causing harm to others.

The truth of the matter was that they sent her there because she was one of many ‘Supernaturals’ that could shapeshift.    In fact she was a werecreature,  a very rare and quite dangerous werehyena.

This is why she was often dubbed ‘the Laughing Woman’,  because the last thing they would hear before she made her escape attempts was a series of maniacal cackles and laughing sounds echoing through the halls.

But the night they found this out,  turned out to be their very last.   That night the security crew at the asylum were investigating the hallways in search of any explanation as to what was going on -  but when they got to Marie’s  cell  -  they had found it was empty.

“It’s empty?”

“That can only mean one thing.”

“Ahahahaha!  Hahahha!”

“She’s escaped!”

The security officers listened,  as they did -  they could hear her maniacal laughter echoing throughout the halls.   This was followed by the sound of screams and animalistic snarls, as if a wild animal had just run loose.

The officers followed the sounds,  getting ever so closerand closer to where they were coming from,   until they arrived at a passageway.    The passageway was long, winding and dark - but with several piercing animal-like eyes glowing through the darkest corners.

They could still hear the maniacal laughter,  echoing through the passageway -  as the darkness began to fade,  revealing a doorway - the doorway opened up,  leading over to the outside of the asylum.

“Ahahahaha!  Muwahaha!”

“It’s the laughter from before...she must be here somewhere!”


A large feral Hyena-like creature leaped down with inhuman agility before morphing back into its human form,   which of course was Marie.  Marie gave a sly smile in the direction of the officers, before walking on over to them.

“Hello boys.”

“Marie!  What are you doing here?”

“Just getting a late night snack.”

“But you’re supposed to be in your cell.”

“Why did you lock me in that cell to begin with?”

“Because of your werecreature powers,  we feared that you would become too dangerous for us to handle.”

“Is that it?  Do you fear I could become potentially dangerous if I were to let my werecreature side out?”

“Possibly...we’re not sure.  But there is one way to find out.”

“You don’t mean..”

“Come with us please!”


She snarled and as she did,  she lunged at the two of them  -  her teeth sharpening in the process as her eyes turned a golden yellow.

The two officers backed away in fright,  it was exactly what they feared -  the werehyena side of her was about to come out.

Her straitjacket dress was slowly straining and beginning to tear away,  her bones snapping and cracking as she moaned a multitude of times,  her voice deepening and becoming gruffer in the process.

Slowly but surely  -  amber coloured fur slowly sprouted all over her body as her straitjacket dress slowly ripped apart,   her hands shifted and changed shape to become paw-like as her fingernails grew longer and sharper.

Her feet also shifted and changed shape,  becoming paw-like as well,   her toenails lengthening and sharpening as her straitjacket dress ripped away,   her breasts expanding and becoming larger as she increased in terms of muscle mass.

The remaining parts of her straightjacket fell off as a bushy hyena-like tail grew out and unfurled itself,   she elevated in height to 6’3 and her hair grew longer and more wild looking,  spots becoming more visible on her fur.

Her ears shifted to the top of her head and became like those of a hyena as her eyes turned the golden yellow colour from before and gave off an eerie supernatural glow,  her expression was curving slightly and contorting into a wicked smile.

In the process she started to laugh hysterically or rather - maniacally,  as the fur crept up her neck and on her face,   her eyebrows thickened and arched,  her nose turned black and hardened as her teeth lengthened and sharpened.

Her jaw-line became more pronounced as the strength of it increased,   her face stretching as it pushed out into a very strong and well defined muzzle,   her voice growing deeper and more bestial as her laughter became more maniacal,  this time sounding more hyena-like in the process.

The two officers stood there frozen in fear as they saw Marie,   now in her werehyena form ready - as she let out another maniacal laugh of terror.

“Please...we didn’t mean to…”

“You’re both too late.  You let her out and now you have to live with her!”

“We’ll do anything, please...don’t hurt us.”

“Oh,  I won’t hurt you - just yet.”

“What do you mean,  just yet?”

“Well I would hate to do it on an empty stomach.   Now if you excuse me,  i’m going to go and catch up with my soon-to-be-snack! Buwahahaha!”

With that she jetted off into the night with inhuman agility to go and hunt,  using her heightened senses to guide her to her soon-to-be-prey and it wasn’t long until she caught up with it and made a quick meal out of it.

As for what happened later,  it is said that she still prowls the streets on nights like this in search for her prey and she will stop at nothing in order to get it.   They say, you can still hear her laughter echoing no matter where you go - she’s always there.

Remember,   sometimes those who may have been diagnosed with clinical lycanthropy may not be insane after all  -  maybe they might really be werecreatures and by that I mean they really ARE werecreatures and you might end up being their prey.

Beware the Laughing Woman,  for those who cross her path -  shall end up meeting their doom and paying the price.

TftW: Monstrous Mirrors

TftW: Monstrous Mirrors
There once was a user by the name of IggleeMckree,  he loved to make wisecracks about this one user named DemonMeiser18 -  calling all of his monster creations nothing but Fetish Fuel and overly-fetishising everything.    DemonMeiser18 was not as bad as the afforementioned user claimed he was -  far from it,   he was a nice guy -  it was just he got a bad reputation from being bullied OL by people like Igglee, who just didn't know that you shouldn't ask a horror writer if they're joking.

One night Damon aka DemonMeiser18 was working on his recent recasting -  a version of FNAF using Stephen King characters when he got another insulting comment from Igglee, who was acting even more jerkish than usual,  which was usually very typical of him - as there was only one mode for people like Iggleee - Jerk/Asshole.

"A Stephen King version of an overrated game franchise?  Lame."

"I suppose you think you could do better,  right?"


"Typical arrogant troll behavior."

"But i'm not trolling..."

"Oh yes you are..."

"That wasn't me,  that was my imaginary friend."

"Unlikely.   If said friend was making you do evil things like that,  they'd be an imaginary fiend..everyone knows that!"

" do you know that?"

"I had one when I was 8,  it was a soul-sucking demon prince whose soul had possessed me at the time.   I'm in my thirties now and it still happens."

"You're in your thirties?"


"And you talk about how you were possessed by your 'imaginary fiend' side as a kid?"


"I just read through the comment and I gotta say...this has to be some kind of joke!"

"No joking here dear boy,   all of my stories about demon encounters are based on my own personal experiences -  with some slight exaggeration of course."

"But...but...were-celebrities?  Body snatchers?   Aliens?  Really?"

"It's all in cheesy,  b-movie inspired fun."

"This is all too much..."

"Oh?   Then you probably won't like this story."


"I've got a new story up."

"What?  What is it about?"

"It's about someone just"



Igglee checked on Damon's page and then clicked on the story,   the story of an arrogant young man who claimed he wasn't afraid of anything going to a carnival run by monsters thinking it was all a joke,   only for him to wind up in a room full of mirrors akin to a hall of mirrors.      Just as he started to read the story ,  the whole background started to change -  slowly morphing into a very fanciful gothic carnival setting.

He walked around the carnival with a rather cocky and arrogant expression on his face,  of course like the dumb main character in the story he thought this was all a joke  - but little did he know that it was all real.    He walked over to the carnival's mysterious ring-master/owner,  who was a man dressed all in black.

"Ha!  Nice carnival,  weirdo!"

"Thank you..I trust that you enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed it?   Ha!  I hated it,  there weren't any real monsters at all,   it was fake as all hell."

"Fake?   My dear boy,   what you see here is all real."

"Real,  my ass...those monsters were just people in make-up,  I could tell."

"Makeup?  Oh no,  I think you'll find that these monsters are indeed real."

"This has to be some kind of joke!"

"Do I look like i'm joking?"

The ring-master smirked as his facial features morphed and distorted,  becoming demonic as two long curved horns slowly grew out of the top of his head,    the color of his eyes shifted to a demonic shade of red as his teeth sharpened and his brow thickened and became more monster-like.    

"H-How did you do that?"

"I told ya,   it's all real."

"But...but...I thought it was fake."

" THOUGHT it was fake,  but you know it's real."

"I thought this was all a joke..."

"Oh no,  dear child....this place is no joke."

"You mean they're,  scary monsters?"

"Indeed so."

"Uh oh...I think I may have made a big mistake!"

"Big?  I think you mean a HUGE mistake,  my friend."

"Uh oh..."

"But since you seem so eager to know about how all this is done,  how about you go over to the mirror room over there?"

Igglee felt unsure of this at first,  but he acted twice as brave this time around as he ran over to the mirror room and took a peek inside,   there were all kinds of monsters depicted in the reflections of the mirrors,  including a were-lion,   a vampiress,  a couple of exotic nagin,  a were-owl,   a plutarkian-like fish monster,   a were-skunk,  an Audrey II-like plant monster, a skeletal warrior,   several zombies,  a Killer Klown,  a succubus and even a few Critters and Gremlins.    

But the most startling monster reflection was his own -  gazing at his own reflection in the largest of the mirrors -   he saw a large,   menacing beast that had the body of a gorilla,  the horns of a ram,   the  wings of a vulture,    large bear-like paws for feet and hands,  a bushy vulpine tail,   boar-like tusks sticking out of its lower jaw,    feral leopard-like eyes and a thick pair of owl-like 'eyebrows'.

"Is THAT me?"

"It certainly is..."

"I don't understand.."

"The mirrors here all show you what you're like on the inside."


"Didn't you read the story at all?"

"I started reading it and getting up to this part...but I didn't get to this yet.."

"Well,  you're about to find out what happens."

"But I thought this was all a joke."

"That's the problem with you humans,  everything is a joke to you."

"I thought it was..."

"What we monsters do is no joke,'s serious monster business."

"I didn't mean to...I'm sorry."

"I'm afraid apologies are no good around these parts."


"For your arrogant behavior and disrespect towards the fellow monsters of this here carnival,    you will pay the price."

"I'm sorry..."



"Silence!  The mirror has sealed your fate!"

"I'm going to become Fetish Fuel for your bizarre monster fetish?"

"Shame on you,  boy!   Watch your language next time,  will ya?"




Igglee was about to protest but something stopped him from doing so,  it was his shirt which was rapidly getting tighter and tighter due to his body slowly beginning to bulk up,  gaining both muscle and fat as his arms,  chest and torso swelled.    With a loud rip his shirt tore apart to reveal his body which was swelling in build to look like that of a gorilla.

In the process his gloves slowly tore off his hands,  as his hands swelled,  stretched and contorted into a pair of large ursine paws with claws taking the place of his fingernails, his whole body was also slowly beginning to be covered in thick messy,  dirty dark greyish fur starting with his hands,  chest,  belly, torso and arms.

He panicked as he watched himself transform -  he was now starting to regret the things he said about the ring-master and the monsters at the carnival,   he was now wishing he had apologized for starting this whole mess but it was too late for him now.  

Groaning and grunting,  he felt tremendous waves of pain jolting through his body as the changes progressed,   his back swelled as it too developed muscle mass and two large vulture-like wings grew out of it.   In the process it was slowly but surely covered thick in the same fur from earlier.

"W-W-W-What's happening?"

"'re becoming what you truly are on the inside..."

"I'm not a monster...i'm not a monster..."

"Oh,  but you are!  Just look at yourself!"


He cried and sobbed,  trying to will the pain away but it was no use,   the transformation just kept getting more and more horrifying -   there was another ripping sound that could be heard as a bushy vulpine tail slowly pushed his way out of the back of his pants -  tearing the back of them to shreds as his rapidly expanding body tore the front half off.

He shuddered in horror as his shoes and socks slowly ripped open to reveal his feet,  which were rapidly swelling and altering -  shifting from human feet into ursine paw-like ones to match his hands,   with a loud thud -  he collapsed on the ground and fell on all fours.

His hair extended,  growing longer and messier as it became a messy semi-leonine mane that extended past his shoulders while his neck thickened,   fur slowly creeping up it and on his face,  making him look like he was turning into a yeti or a Teen Wolf styled werewolf.

There was a throbbing sensation in his forehead,  which was due to two bumps forming on his temples -  the bumps hardened,  stretched and contorted -  becoming a pair of long, curved, ram-like horns.

His brow thickened a little as his eyebrows fused into a more owl-like pair of eyebrows,  his ears slowly moved up to the top of his head and shifted to become pointier and almost lupine-like.   His eyes turned from brown to a piercing greenish color with the pupils becoming slitted as his eyes altered to resemble those of a jaguar.

In the process -  his face slowly started to alter and deform,  slowly but surely altering to become more monstrous in appearance as it slowly stretched outwards -  pushing out to form a beastly muzzle as his teeth sharpened to feral points.   From his bottom jaw...he could see two slightly boar-like tusks slowly poking out of his bottom lip.

He tried crying out for forgiveness but it was too late for him now -  soon,   he wouldn't even be able to speak as his voice slowly grew deeper and gruffer before altering to become bestial and almost inhuman,   his groans and screams of agony and torment being replaced by animalistic roars and growls.

His mind filled with all kinds of savage animal-like instincts as his transformation completed, the annoying young man that was once there from before -  was no more,  instead they were was a large,  imposing chimera-like beast.    The Ringmaster stepped over to the transformed Igglee and placed a collar on his neck.

"I told ya that we don't joke around here,  boy...too bad you didn't listen.  Oh,  if only you listened...then you wouldn't be in this mess."

With that the Ringmaster took the now beastified Igglee and walked off,  but not before putting him inside the Hall Of Monsters as part of the display.    Making Igglee famous and well-respected by the monster community.

As for our friend Damon/DemonMeiser18,   he continued to weave his monstrous magic wherever he went -  earning himself new admirers and sticking it to his haters,  after all - he's a monster of his word.     Igglee became famous for being the infamous Chimera-Man in the Hall Of Monsters and he made new monster friends.

Remember,   when dealing with horror writers -  NEVER ever ask them if what they are doing is a joke,   for when it comes to the supernatural -  these people do NOT joke around at all, not by any means.    Monsters never joke around at all either,   they take their business and jobs seriously.    Remember that next time or you might just find out the hard way.

Nate's Inner Machete

Nate's Inner Machete.
Absolutely no Russell Brands were hurt,  maimed or killed in the making of this story,  and the real Russell Brand lives...for now,   but he might possibly get killed off in a future installment.   Please don't take this as an insult in anyway,   because it's just a story and besides...Brand's the villain,   he's SUPPOSED to be unlikable.
Nathan was in desperate need of assistance regarding his ongoing battle against Russell Brand and Lithius could only do so much in terms of his expertize,  so  logically there was only one way to do it.    And that method was through his dreams and thoughts,   which was something he knew very well about and how to do so,  especially since he could control his powers in said dreams.

One night he decided to try out this new method of using his shapeshifting powers, he got into bed,  laid down and concentrated -  before drifting off into sleep, once he was asleep -  he was transported into the dream-world -  to a temple of sorts where he was given a rather unexpected surprise...a visit from some of his favorite celebrities and characters.

There were several ones he recognized,  like Bruce Campbell,   Wesley Snipes,  Jack Nicholson,  Tony Todd,  Tom Savini,  Rick Baker,   and more.   But the one he recognized the most was Christopher Walken -  but alongside Walken,  there was one he didn't know he had -  that of the iconic character Machete,   yep -   Danny Trejo's legendary character Isador 'Machete' Cortez was there.

The others he was already familiar with since they were there before...but Machete?  He didn't seem to recall him being there.   Was this a new addition he hadn't been told about until just recently?

"Machete?  What are you doing here?"

"I'm your Inner Badass  -  well one of them."

"Really?  This is awesome.   How did you get here anyway?"

"Machete don't tell..."


"But what I can tell you is this,   we are all your inner you -  believe it or not."


"Oh yes...we are."

"So Machete....what exactly am I doing here?"

"We brought you here for a very special reason..."

"And that is?"

"We've heard of your shapeshifting abilities..."


"And I think it's time you put them to the test."

"I like where this is going so far..."

"I understand you've been having troubles with Russell Brand.."

"Yeah...I have."

"Well luckily...this ties in with your powers..."

"What are you suggesting?"

" use your become me..."

"You?  Really?"


"Well...sounds awesome!  How does it work?"

"Focus on me...focus on Machete,  and concentrate."

"Alright...i'm ready..."


"Will this hurt?"

"Of course not,   trust me...Machete knows no pain,  and he doesn't feel no pain either."

"That's easy for you to say.."

"Trust me on this...I see great potential in you."

"How can you tell?"

"You have a bloodthirsty streak in you.."

"Well...I am a royal vampire in this realm when i'm not shapeshifting."

"That's just perfect."


"I bet with all that bloodlust in'll be the perfect Machete."

"Maybe I will...okay,  i'm game."

"Of course Machete is the original Machete,  but I think you'll do well."

"You think so?"

" focus,  focus on Machete...and concentrate."

"Yes,  sir!"

He closed his eyes as he concentrated,  focussing all his mental and physical energy on Machete himself,   memorizing every detail about him,   picking up every characteristic and trait as a dark red aura surrounded him.     A fiery circle forming around the ground as his heart raced back and forth,   his mind becoming much clearer as this happened,   he could feel bursts of strength and power jolting through his body.

Which of course made him more alert and receptive to Machete's instructions,  he listened intently,   he knew that this was for the greater good and besides...disobeying Machete would have resulted in him getting his ass handed to him on a bloodsoaked silver platter - which wouldn't have been a good thing at all.

"Listen very closely to me...listen to my words.  And heed my instructions well."

"Yes,  Machete..i'm listening."

"First of all -   when you become me,  you must answer only to Machete.   Got that?"


"But you must not let everyone know you are me,  so if anyone ever asks you  about this,  which they probably will...tell them that you can't tell them because it's a secret.  People will get suspicious of you including criminals but remember that...unless it's revealed in some form of another...the secret is safe."

"That's very sage advice there..."

"Remember,   there are some things Machete don't do.  You know what those things are,   don't you?"

"Of course...Machete don't text -  he improvises,  Machete don't tweet..."

"And most importantly Machete don't tell.   Remember that motto,   it will make sure the secret is kept safe so no one will know of this or suspect you.   Trust no one except your allies i.e us,  and your instincts."

"I read you loud and clear."

"Next,   you have to be tough and fearless."

"Tough and fearless?  Got that!"

"Nothing scares Machete,  and you should remember that as well -   it will help you get in touch with your inner Machete.. remember,  you have to be exactly like Machete.    It is very vital."


"Feel that power surging through your veins?"


"That is my aura and power coursing through's going to help you..."

" should I just let in happen?"

"Of course.  That's all part of the process."

"Now...when does the actual transformation start?"

"I's right"


He breathed in and out as he concentrated more,  focussing and taking every single little thing into detail.   His heart raced as the power and adrenalin pulsed through his veins and his entire body,   he panted and grunted as his transformation was starting to take place, he could definitely feel his bloodlust increasing.

Looking at his dark blue nightshirt with the spiderweb on the front -  he could both see and feel it growing slightly tighter than usual on his upperbody,  as slowly but surely - underneath it his muscles were starting to swell,  bulge,  and develop.  Also,  by listening closely -  he could also hear a few popping sounds coming from the shirt too due to the buttons puckering until they were almost ready to pop.

The muscles were slowly but surely packing on starting with his chest and torso,  as abs and pecs developed on them -  his nightshirt was surely losing the battle against his growing frame,  as indicated by the multiple tears forming in the fabric.    The buttons were also nearing their last lives when they popped off completely.

He could also feel his arms swelling and gaining muscle as well,   the sleeves of his night-shirt at this point were rapidly becoming nothing but ragged scraps due to being able to hold on to his growing and developing arm muscles.   There was a brief ripping sound as his sleeves ripped apart,  exposing his arms.    His hands became a bit larger in  the process as fingerless gloves formed on them,   he flexed his new arm muscles for a few seconds.

"See?  It's happening already.   Just look at you."

"'re right..."

He snarled and panted several times as his night-shirt gave way with a loud ripping sound,  revealing his more muscular physique,   his skintone was subtly becoming rougher and more rugged-looking,  as numerous scars were lined on his body,   his skintone definitely was looking a bit on the roughside -  like he had been involved in a violent fight or two,  as traces of tattoos became visible,  including an impressive one of  a woman wearing a sombrero,  he stood back while he admired his transforming appearance.

Spiked bracers materialized around his wrists,  in the place of what used to be his night-shirt there was a leather vest with a coat forming over it,  it was a brownish color with several knives stashed inside, there were also a couple of knives on the front as well.    His back also expanded and gained muscle mass,   he remained roughly the same height as before which was exactly 5'7 but he became much stronger as his legs also gained muscle.

His night-pants didn't rip though,  they slowly but surely peeled off and reformed into a pair of black pants as a brown belt with a very distinctive buckle wrapped around his list,  his slippersocks peeled off also and hardened,  growing upwards until they became a pair of western combat boots.

"Very good...I can see you are progressing nicely. "

"You really think so?"

"You have my skintone,  my build, and my tattoos...yes,  impressive."

"You approve?"

"Yes,   Machete approves."


He ran his fingers through his hair as his already long hair lengthened even more,  growing longer,   at first his hair turned a darker shade of brown,  then it developed black highlights - then it blackened completely as it grew longer.   His shoulders broadened and bulked up as they gained muscle,   his neck thickening a bit as a necklace of sorts appeared around it,  he panted and snarled a few more times.

By this point,   he was already taking on many of Machete's characteristics and not just in the way of taking on his appearance,  but he was also acting Machete-like as well , becoming tougher and more confident -  as if all of a sudden nothing scared him.   He held his head back and made a mighty battle cry,  as all of the fury and power flowed through him.

A machete materialized in his hands as his brow thickened a little,   his eyebrows thinning and turning black as they arched,   his eyes darkening and narrowing a bit as his features slowly altered to become rougher,  gruffer and more grizzled in appearance,    he growled slightly as he felt his features changing.

His facial features morphed and reshaped themselves,  gruffening and getting more grizzled in appearance,  his nose got slightly larger as traces of facial scars adorned themselves on his face,   his expression curling itself into a pseudo-snarl  as his face became heavily lined in the process,   by now he was slowly but surely looking more like he could pass for Machete himself.   He definitely looked rather fierce and
intimidating,   like the kind of man you wouldn't want to mess with.   Traces of a long,  thin,  black handlebar mustache became evident above his upper lip -  completing his look as his features finished morphing,  he now completely resembled Machete.

"Oh yes,   you're definitely looking good now.   You're the spitting image of Machete now. Very nice,  I think you're definitely ready for what I have in store for're going to make a fine Machete for sure."

"You think so?"

"Machete knows so..."

He felt a rumbling sensation in his throat as his voice began to lower,  getting deeper and gruffer in pitch and tone,  deepening,  harshening,   becoming more menacing and badass in the process,  as he developed the exact same accent and tone as Machete himself -  giving him Machete's voice.

Finally his new instincts took over as his personality and mindset altered to become those of Machete as well,   Machete's traits and thoughts filled his mind,   making him tougher and more badass as thoughts of bloodlust and vengeance played over inn his mind as his transformation completed.

From where once Nathan stood,  now stood a second Machete -   ready to take names and kick ass,   not necessarily in that order though.    The new Machete walked over to the original Machete and proudly held up his own machete.     Gifted in all forms of weaponry, and a fluent speaker of both Spanish/Mexican and English,   all badass.

Fury,  bloodlust and vengefulness now were on his mind,  and he felt proud of what he had just did -  he had managed to overcome his fears by getting in touch with his inner badass and using his shapeshifting powers.    Now...he was Machete,  and he feared absolutely nothing.    The original Machete admired his own handiwork,  he knew he had done a terrific job with helping him conquer his fear.

"Wow....I look badass!"

"And how do you feel?"

"Machete feels awesome,  sir!"

"That's what I like to hear!  Now tell me...what does Machete do?"

"Kick ass and take names!"

"And what does Machete don't do?"

"Text -  he improvises,   tweet,   feel no pain,  and most importantly...Machete don't tell,  Machete don't tell."

" in your instincts."


"If anyone asks you about this -  remember,   pretend you don't know what they're talking about,   don't let them know anything about this -  for they might suspect you.   Remember the motto,   Machete don't tell."

"Right,  Machete don't tell."


"So...when do we start hunting?"

"Right now... if you want to get back at Russell Brand,  then be like Machete and always be the one to strike first...that way,  you'll be ahead of him and you won't be the victim of his evil powers."

"Right...let's move!"

The two Machetes raced off over to where another dream door was,   the dream door was a black and red one with dark imagery embedded in the design -  as the door opened up,  a black vortex formed which they jumped through into the nightmare realm.  

After they entered the nightmare realm,   they approached what appeared to be the lair of the evil one himself Russell Brand -   which was located in a gothic tower of sorts,   luckily the two of them managed to climb up in true Machete style by using one of the Russell Brandses intestines as a rope,    once they reached the top -  they got to Brand's dark chamber and waited for Brand himself to show up.

The original Machete steathily sneaked up to one of the other Russell Brands and decapitated him,  while the one that used to be Nathan -   impaled the others with a spike before heading over to Brand's throne,   leaving the severed head of the one the original Machete killed - laying there along with a note that the real Machete wrote containing a threat.

Once their job was done,  both of them slid back down the tower on the backs of two other killed Russell Brands before heading back to the brown and gold doorway,   which opened up another vortex -  this time a golden aura surrounded them as they were both transported back to the temple.    

Meanwhile the real Russell Brand returned to his evil throne only to get a rather nasty surprise when he saw the severed head of one of his minions along with a note,  he picked up the note and examined it.   The note read: "Dear Russell Brand,   if you know what's good for better leave my friend alone,   or you'll be getting a visit from Machete pretty soon -  and Machete don't take too kindly to evil no-good assholes who try to turn his friend evil,    you better call off your revolution or there will be a new lesson in store for you -  a lesson in pain...and Machete delivers.   PS: Machete don't tweet,  and Machete don't watch the Trews."

"Oh bugger!  Looks like i'm royally screwed now..."  Russell Brand muttered to himself as he sat on his throne,   looking rather worried and distraught.   After all,  he too knew of Machete and of Machete's fury -  and if Machete were to get his hands on him,   all of his evil plans would come to a complete halt.

After the mission was completed,   the two Machetes trained in the temple and practiced their hunting skills,   as their work was done -  it was time for some good old fashioned Machete styled relaxing.

A few minutes later....He awoke from the dream,  not as himself but as Machete - with all the memory of the dream he had the night before,    his friend just happened to be in the room next to his when he saw the new Machete leaping out of a window with inhuman agility and going out for a hunt,   a few hours later he returned back to the bedroom for a quick powernap before sunrise.

The next morning as he got up -  he saw he was in his normal form as Nathan rather than as Machete  -   as he brushed his hair while looking in the mirror.   His two friends came rushing in unexpectedly.

" won't believe what we just saw earlier."

"Try me..."

"Have you seen Machete?"

"Yeah...I saw that movie,   it was badass."

"No, not the movie -  the character..."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"We saw him last night!  He was in your bed,  sleeping!"

"You were probably just seeing things.."

"No,   we weren't seeing things...he really was there!"

"Oh really now?"

"Yes...he was!  And we saw him jump out of a window too before he arrived back in your room,  we saw it with our own eyes and no our eyes were NOT playing tricks on us,  I mean we'd know if they were and what we saw was no trick!"

"You were probably just dreaming..."

"It wasn't a dream though,  it was really him!"

"A likely story."

"And we found your spiderweb pajamas looking all ripped along with blood on the covers of your bed...hmmm...someone has a bit of explaining to do.  So..what happened there, may I ask?"

"Oh,  i'm sure that is purely a coincidence."

"A coincidence?  That we found these in your room while Machete was sleeping in your bed while you were most likely gone for the remaining hours of the night?   I think not."

"Yes,  it was purely a coincidence."

"Oh...then how do you explain how you and Machete are never at the same place at the same time, how come he was there earlier and now he's gone and you're here in his place? How do you explain that, I ask you,  how do you explain that?"

"Again...pure coincidence. What?  Are you implying I have some kind of secret i'm hiding from you or something? Because i'm not.  I'm not hiding any secrets at all from you,  trust me on that."

"Oh come's so obvious."

"What's obvious?"

"That you my friend...are Machete..."

"What?  Me?  Machete?  Nah!  Not at all.   I'm just me.   I can't be him."

"Oh,  then how do you explain those things I mentioned earlier?"

"Pure coincidence.   It's simple as that."


"Pure coincidence."




And so Nathan shushed his friend,  in turn his friend ran off back to his room to get things sorted out while Nathan chuckled to himself and continued brushing his hair,   singing to himself a little as he did.    He took out the keepsakes he had gotten from his dream and also took out his newly required machete and closed the doors.

"That's better.   After all,  no one must know about this.   After all - Machete don't tell,  that's the motto.   And it's a motto i'm sticking to.   As long as I have this ability,   I must not let anyone know or find out about this...after all. Like Machete himself says, Machete don't tell."

With that he gave a sly smirk as he sharpened his new machete while singing along to his favorite song and cleaning his room up,   after all -  if he was going to be sharing this apartment with friends,   it had to at least look presentable.

As for what happened to him later,   luckily -  no one ever did catch onto his secret or ever try to find out what it was -  and he made it 100% certain that it stayed that way,   after all he didn't want anyone to find out.   "Trust no one except his instincts and closest allies" he thought to himself as he finished cleaning up and headed into the lab.

For he had a lot of work to do and he was just getting started,   for this was only the beginning of one of many missions he had just signed on for.   And he knew he was going to be in safe hands now.   After all,  you know what they say -  two badasses are better than one,  and two Machetes are twice as intimidating as one.

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Sunday, 5 April 2015

The Best of Patrick (Spongebob Compilation)