Nate's Inner Machete.
Absolutely no Russell Brands were
hurt, maimed or killed in the making of this story, and the real
Russell Brand lives...for now, but he might possibly get killed off in
a future installment. Please don't take this as an insult in anyway,
because it's just a story and besides...Brand's the villain, he's
SUPPOSED to be unlikable.
was in desperate need of assistance regarding his ongoing battle
against Russell Brand and Lithius could only do so much in terms of his
expertize, so logically there was only one way to do it. And that
method was through his dreams and thoughts, which was something he
knew very well about and how to do so, especially since he could
control his powers in said dreams.
One night he decided to try
out this new method of using his shapeshifting powers, he got into bed,
laid down and concentrated - before drifting off into sleep, once he
was asleep - he was transported into the dream-world - to a temple of
sorts where he was given a rather unexpected surprise...a visit from
some of his favorite celebrities and characters.
several ones he recognized, like Bruce Campbell, Wesley Snipes, Jack
Nicholson, Tony Todd, Tom Savini, Rick Baker, and more. But the
one he recognized the most was Christopher Walken - but alongside
Walken, there was one he didn't know he had - that of the iconic
character Machete, yep - Danny Trejo's legendary character Isador
'Machete' Cortez was there.
The others he was already familiar
with since they were there before...but Machete? He didn't seem to
recall him being there. Was this a new addition he hadn't been told
about until just recently?
"Machete? What are you doing here?"
"I'm your Inner Badass - well one of them."
"Really? This is awesome. How did you get here anyway?"
"Machete don't tell..."
"But what I can tell you is this, we are all your inner you - believe it or not."
"Oh yes...we are."
"So Machete....what exactly am I doing here?"
"We brought you here for a very special reason..."
"And that is?"
"We've heard of your shapeshifting abilities..."
"And I think it's time you put them to the test."
"I like where this is going so far..."
"I understand you've been having troubles with Russell Brand.."
"Well luckily...this ties in with your powers..."
"What are you suggesting?"
"That...you use your powers....to become me..."
"Well...sounds awesome! How does it work?"
"Focus on me...focus on Machete, and concentrate."
"Will this hurt?"
"Of course not, trust me...Machete knows no pain, and he doesn't feel no pain either."
"That's easy for you to say.."
"Trust me on this...I see great potential in you."
"How can you tell?"
"You have a bloodthirsty streak in you.."
"Well...I am a royal vampire in this realm when i'm not shapeshifting."
"That's just perfect."
"I bet with all that bloodlust in you...you'll be the perfect Machete."
"Maybe I will...okay, i'm game."
"Of course Machete is the original Machete, but I think you'll do well."
"You think so?"
"Absolutely...now focus, focus on Machete...and concentrate."
closed his eyes as he concentrated, focussing all his mental and
physical energy on Machete himself, memorizing every detail about him,
picking up every characteristic and trait as a dark red aura
surrounded him. A fiery circle forming around the ground as his
heart raced back and forth, his mind becoming much clearer as this
happened, he could feel bursts of strength and power jolting through
Which of course made him more alert and receptive to
Machete's instructions, he listened intently, he knew that this was
for the greater good and besides...disobeying Machete would have
resulted in him getting his ass handed to him on a bloodsoaked silver
platter - which wouldn't have been a good thing at all.
"Listen very closely to me...listen to my words. And heed my instructions well."
"Yes, Machete..i'm listening."
"First of all - when you become me, you must answer only to Machete. Got that?"
you must not let everyone know you are me, so if anyone ever asks you
about this, which they probably will...tell them that you can't tell
them because it's a secret. People will get suspicious of you including
criminals but remember that...unless it's revealed in some form of
another...the secret is safe."
"That's very sage advice there..."
"Remember, there are some things Machete don't do. You know what those things are, don't you?"
"Of course...Machete don't text - he improvises, Machete don't tweet..."
most importantly Machete don't tell. Remember that motto, it will
make sure the secret is kept safe so no one will know of this or suspect
you. Trust no one except your allies i.e us, and your instincts."
"I read you loud and clear."
"Next, you have to be tough and fearless."
"Tough and fearless? Got that!"
scares Machete, and you should remember that as well - it will help
you get in touch with your inner Machete.. remember, you have to be
exactly like Machete. It is very vital."
"Feel that power surging through your veins?"
"That is my aura and power coursing through you...it's going to help you..."
"Alright...so should I just let in happen?"
"Of course. That's all part of the process."
"Now...when does the actual transformation start?"
"I bet...it's right about....now.."
breathed in and out as he concentrated more, focussing and taking
every single little thing into detail. His heart raced as the power
and adrenalin pulsed through his veins and his entire body, he panted
and grunted as his transformation was starting to take place, he could
definitely feel his bloodlust increasing.
Looking at his dark
blue nightshirt with the spiderweb on the front - he could both see and
feel it growing slightly tighter than usual on his upperbody, as
slowly but surely - underneath it his muscles were starting to swell,
bulge, and develop. Also, by listening closely - he could also hear
a few popping sounds coming from the shirt too due to the buttons
puckering until they were almost ready to pop.
The muscles were
slowly but surely packing on starting with his chest and torso, as abs
and pecs developed on them - his nightshirt was surely losing the
battle against his growing frame, as indicated by the multiple tears
forming in the fabric. The buttons were also nearing their last lives
when they popped off completely.
He could also feel his arms
swelling and gaining muscle as well, the sleeves of his night-shirt at
this point were rapidly becoming nothing but ragged scraps due to being
able to hold on to his growing and developing arm muscles. There was a
brief ripping sound as his sleeves ripped apart, exposing his arms.
His hands became a bit larger in the process as fingerless gloves
formed on them, he flexed his new arm muscles for a few seconds.
"See? It's happening already. Just look at you."
snarled and panted several times as his night-shirt gave way with a
loud ripping sound, revealing his more muscular physique, his
skintone was subtly becoming rougher and more rugged-looking, as
numerous scars were lined on his body, his skintone definitely was
looking a bit on the roughside - like he had been involved in a violent
fight or two, as traces of tattoos became visible, including an
impressive one of a woman wearing a sombrero, he stood back while he
admired his transforming appearance.
Spiked bracers materialized
around his wrists, in the place of what used to be his night-shirt
there was a leather vest with a coat forming over it, it was a brownish
color with several knives stashed inside, there were also a couple of
knives on the front as well. His back also expanded and gained muscle
mass, he remained roughly the same height as before which was exactly
5'7 but he became much stronger as his legs also gained muscle.
night-pants didn't rip though, they slowly but surely peeled off and
reformed into a pair of black pants as a brown belt with a very
distinctive buckle wrapped around his list, his slippersocks peeled off
also and hardened, growing upwards until they became a pair of western
"Very good...I can see you are progressing nicely. "
"You really think so?"
"You have my skintone, my build, and my tattoos...yes, impressive."
"Yes, Machete approves."
ran his fingers through his hair as his already long hair lengthened
even more, growing longer, at first his hair turned a darker shade of
brown, then it developed black highlights - then it blackened
completely as it grew longer. His shoulders broadened and bulked up as
they gained muscle, his neck thickening a bit as a necklace of sorts
appeared around it, he panted and snarled a few more times.
this point, he was already taking on many of Machete's characteristics
and not just in the way of taking on his appearance, but he was also
acting Machete-like as well , becoming tougher and more confident - as
if all of a sudden nothing scared him. He held his head back and made a
mighty battle cry, as all of the fury and power flowed through him.
machete materialized in his hands as his brow thickened a little, his
eyebrows thinning and turning black as they arched, his eyes
darkening and narrowing a bit as his features slowly altered to become
rougher, gruffer and more grizzled in appearance, he growled
slightly as he felt his features changing.
His facial features
morphed and reshaped themselves, gruffening and getting more grizzled
in appearance, his nose got slightly larger as traces of facial scars
adorned themselves on his face, his expression curling itself into a
pseudo-snarl as his face became heavily lined in the process, by now
he was slowly but surely looking more like he could pass for Machete
himself. He definitely looked rather fierce and
like the kind of man you wouldn't want to mess with. Traces of a long,
thin, black handlebar mustache became evident above his upper lip -
completing his look as his features finished morphing, he now
completely resembled Machete.
"Oh yes, you're definitely
looking good now. You're the spitting image of Machete now. Very nice,
I think you're definitely ready for what I have in store for
you..you're going to make a fine Machete for sure."
"You think so?"
"Machete knows so..."
felt a rumbling sensation in his throat as his voice began to lower,
getting deeper and gruffer in pitch and tone, deepening, harshening,
becoming more menacing and badass in the process, as he developed the
exact same accent and tone as Machete himself - giving him Machete's
Finally his new instincts took over as his personality and
mindset altered to become those of Machete as well, Machete's traits
and thoughts filled his mind, making him tougher and more badass as
thoughts of bloodlust and vengeance played over inn his mind as his
From where once Nathan stood, now
stood a second Machete - ready to take names and kick ass, not
necessarily in that order though. The new Machete walked over to the
original Machete and proudly held up his own machete. Gifted in all
forms of weaponry, and a fluent speaker of both Spanish/Mexican and
English, all badass.
Fury, bloodlust and vengefulness now were
on his mind, and he felt proud of what he had just did - he had
managed to overcome his fears by getting in touch with his inner badass
and using his shapeshifting powers. Now...he was Machete, and he
feared absolutely nothing. The original Machete admired his own
handiwork, he knew he had done a terrific job with helping him conquer
"Wow....I look badass!"
"And how do you feel?"
"Machete feels awesome, sir!"
"That's what I like to hear! Now tell me...what does Machete do?"
"Kick ass and take names!"
"And what does Machete don't do?"
"Text - he improvises, tweet, feel no pain, and most importantly...Machete don't tell, Machete don't tell."
"Remember...trust in your instincts."
anyone asks you about this - remember, pretend you don't know what
they're talking about, don't let them know anything about this - for
they might suspect you. Remember the motto, Machete don't tell."
"Right, Machete don't tell."
"So...when do we start hunting?"
now... if you want to get back at Russell Brand, then be like Machete
and always be the one to strike first...that way, you'll be ahead of
him and you won't be the victim of his evil powers."
two Machetes raced off over to where another dream door was, the
dream door was a black and red one with dark imagery embedded in the
design - as the door opened up, a black vortex formed which they
jumped through into the nightmare realm.
After they entered
the nightmare realm, they approached what appeared to be the lair of
the evil one himself Russell Brand - which was located in a gothic
tower of sorts, luckily the two of them managed to climb up in true
Machete style by using one of the Russell Brandses intestines as a rope,
once they reached the top - they got to Brand's dark chamber and
waited for Brand himself to show up.
The original Machete
steathily sneaked up to one of the other Russell Brands and decapitated
him, while the one that used to be Nathan - impaled the others with a
spike before heading over to Brand's throne, leaving the severed head
of the one the original Machete killed - laying there along with a note
that the real Machete wrote containing a threat.
Once their job
was done, both of them slid back down the tower on the backs of two
other killed Russell Brands before heading back to the brown and gold
doorway, which opened up another vortex - this time a golden aura
surrounded them as they were both transported back to the temple.
the real Russell Brand returned to his evil throne only to get a rather
nasty surprise when he saw the severed head of one of his minions along
with a note, he picked up the note and examined it. The note read:
"Dear Russell Brand, if you know what's good for you...you better
leave my friend alone, or you'll be getting a visit from Machete
pretty soon - and Machete don't take too kindly to evil no-good
assholes who try to turn his friend evil, you better call off your
revolution or there will be a new lesson in store for you - a lesson in
pain...and Machete delivers. PS: Machete don't tweet, and Machete
don't watch the Trews."
"Oh bugger! Looks like i'm royally
screwed now..." Russell Brand muttered to himself as he sat on his
throne, looking rather worried and distraught. After all, he too
knew of Machete and of Machete's fury - and if Machete were to get his
hands on him, all of his evil plans would come to a complete halt.
the mission was completed, the two Machetes trained in the temple and
practiced their hunting skills, as their work was done - it was time
for some good old fashioned Machete styled relaxing.
minutes later....He awoke from the dream, not as himself but as Machete
- with all the memory of the dream he had the night before, his
friend just happened to be in the room next to his when he saw the new
Machete leaping out of a window with inhuman agility and going out for a
hunt, a few hours later he returned back to the bedroom for a quick
powernap before sunrise.
The next morning as he got up - he saw
he was in his normal form as Nathan rather than as Machete - as he
brushed his hair while looking in the mirror. His two friends came
rushing in unexpectedly.
"Dude...you won't believe what we just saw earlier."
"Have you seen Machete?"
"Yeah...I saw that movie, it was badass."
"No, not the movie - the character..."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"We saw him last night! He was in your bed, sleeping!"
"You were probably just seeing things.."
"No, we weren't seeing things...he really was there!"
"Oh really now?"
was! And we saw him jump out of a window too before he arrived back in
your room, we saw it with our own eyes and no our eyes were NOT
playing tricks on us, I mean we'd know if they were and what we saw was
"You were probably just dreaming..."
"It wasn't a dream though, it was really him!"
"A likely story."
we found your spiderweb pajamas looking all ripped along with blood on
the covers of your bed...hmmm...someone has a bit of explaining to do.
So..what happened there, may I ask?"
"Oh, i'm sure that is purely a coincidence."
coincidence? That we found these in your room while Machete was
sleeping in your bed while you were most likely gone for the remaining
hours of the night? I think not."
"Yes, it was purely a coincidence."
how do you explain how you and Machete are never at the same place at
the same time, how come he was there earlier and now he's gone and
you're here in his place? How do you explain that, I ask you, how do
you explain that?"
"Again...pure coincidence. What? Are you
implying I have some kind of secret i'm hiding from you or something?
Because i'm not. I'm not hiding any secrets at all from you, trust me
"Oh come on...it's so obvious."
"That you my friend...are Machete..."
"What? Me? Machete? Nah! Not at all. I'm just me. I can't be him."
"Oh, then how do you explain those things I mentioned earlier?"
"Pure coincidence. It's simple as that."
so Nathan shushed his friend, in turn his friend ran off back to his
room to get things sorted out while Nathan chuckled to himself and
continued brushing his hair, singing to himself a little as he did.
He took out the keepsakes he had gotten from his dream and also took
out his newly required machete and closed the doors.
better. After all, no one must know about this. After all - Machete
don't tell, that's the motto. And it's a motto i'm sticking to. As
long as I have this ability, I must not let anyone know or find out
about this...after all. Like Machete himself says, Machete don't tell."
that he gave a sly smirk as he sharpened his new machete while singing
along to his favorite song and cleaning his room up, after all - if
he was going to be sharing this apartment with friends, it had to at
least look presentable.
As for what happened to him later,
luckily - no one ever did catch onto his secret or ever try to find out
what it was - and he made it 100% certain that it stayed that way,
after all he didn't want anyone to find out. "Trust no one except his
instincts and closest allies" he thought to himself as he finished
cleaning up and headed into the lab.
For he had a lot of work to
do and he was just getting started, for this was only the beginning of
one of many missions he had just signed on for. And he knew he was
going to be in safe hands now. After all, you know what they say -
two badasses are better than one, and two Machetes are twice as
intimidating as one.
Labels: Danny Trejo, Machete, muscle growth