Sunday, 9 November 2014

Russell Brand TF

The following transformation guide is to be used as a last resort or as a fear coping method,  and of course it is mostly from the perspective of my character,   it is not to be taken seriously as this is not a new ‘persona’  change so to speak,   he is still Chris and Chris is part of the ‘Walken’ storyline,   this storyline is different and separate from the others as it is its own entity with a different theme which incorporates elements from mythology and folklore as well as various takes on shapeshifting.  And is also a Beauty And The Beast tale.    Please remember that none of this is by any means real and all in good fun.   So without further ado,  enjoy this little tale.

Hello once again fellow Monster maniacs,   i’m your host Monstermaster13 with a very exclusive new episode of Transformation Guides -  featuring a transformation that is only to be used as a last resort or fear coping method but it invokes an entirely different theme than the others as it uses mythology and folklore as well as fairytales as influences.   The fairytale in particular being Beauty And The Beast.   Speaking of beast,  I believe you already know of our special ‘friend’  Russell Brand,   of course you do.   This man is practically everywhere and may in fact be proof of monsters existing in modern society.   Russell will be the ‘Beast’ my character turns into in this mini-spin-off,   don’t worry this is an easily reversible transformation but because of the fairytale theme,   there will be a twist to it.

The tale of Beauty And The Beast is one that has been told many times and adapted just as many times as well,   both in animation and live action.  As well as paid homage to many times in commercials,   music videos,  comics,  cartoons,   movies and video games.  So, grab yourself a chair and sit yourself down,  be prepared for a true Beast of a tale with my Russell transformation guide.

Prologue: Once Upon A Time

Since this has a fairytale theme to it,   our little transformation guide will start off like most traditional fairytales hence the title of this stage is the classic ‘once upon a time’  opening line that fairytales have.    The lead character of this little tale is portrayed by me -  and he is a young man cursed to become Russell until he can find someone to love and have them love him in return.      It begins with me in the role of the titular young man in a modern day fairytale setting,  living within a fine castle.     Like in the Disney version,  he will receive a knock at the door from a strange woman,   but rather than turning her down because of how she looks -  he will simply say that there’s no room -  which of course is where she becomes the enchantress and puts the curse on him.    When this prologue is done we’ll start with the transformation scene itself.

Stage 1:  The Russell Brand Attitude.

This is the official first part of the process and this is where I get a change in mindset and personality,   which is to say I develop Russell’s personality traits and intelligence as well as a bit of his mindset,   of course not completely but it is present throughout the process and helps me get in character.    Russell is a very peculiar specimen in terms of personality traits and is very complex.

To aid with how Russell’s body language works i’ve used a bit of animal inspiration from the following animals,   male peacock (the term ‘strut like a peacock’),   canines specifically wolves and similar wild dogs,  and domesticated dogs (For the playful and affectionate side of Russell),  felines especially domesticated cats (body language and flexibility) and to a lesser extent owls,  vultures and ravens (the ‘perching’ pose)

Once in Russell’s mindset the physical half of the transformation will take place in the next stage,   which is of course stage 2.

Stage 2:  Something Hairy’s Going On.

Brace yourself for this part dear reader,   for this second part of the process is going to get pretty hairy,   literally.    As this is the part where I actually shift into Russell,  starting with a slight increase in body hair -  Russell style body hair is more or less on the same level as a werewolf but not completely into  werewolf territory,   and the hair itself changes color from its normal color to jet black.    It spreads on the chest,  torso,  arms and legs with patches of black ‘fur’  on the hands and also on the boots as mentioned below.

In the process my clothing peels away and reshapes into the signature black leather outfit Russell is most commonly seen wearing in photos,  including the boots -  a little bit of Russell’s mindset kicks in but not as to overpower me.

Once this part is done,  we’ll move onto stage 3.

Stage 3:  Lean,  Wild and Hairy

The third part of the process is where I basically grow in height to about 6’2 (Russell’s height), develop Russell’s skintone and also slim down to become more lithe -  starting with the arms and legs extending to become longer and thinner.  

In the process,  various Russell specific accessories materialize on my outfit.   I should mention though that even though Russell’s personality traits and mannerisms are still developing at this point,   I am still mostly me -  just with Russell’s mindset and such -  which shouldn’t be much of a problem.

At this point I pretty much have the mindset,  personality,  skintone,  outfit,  height and build of Russell himself except there’s a few modifications which I will discuss  in the part that’s coming up, so stay tuned for stage 4 which is where I will bring these modifications up.

Stage 4:  Truly Savage Style

This is the fourth part of the transformation and this is where I bring up the modifications,  first of all even though I am becoming exactly like Russell due to the afforementioned changes from earlier including the mindshift,   I will essentially be a more tame and less...well...savage version of him in terms of my mentality and instincts,   but I will develop heightened senses and inhuman agility and animal-like reflexes -   but this part of it is a superpowered bonus needed for combating the real Russell in my nightmares.

My hair grows longer and messier before turning jet black and taking on Russell’s signature style,  my neckline becoming longer and thinner as Russell’s ‘sanskrit’ tattoo appears on my arm as well as a few markings.   My eyebrows change next as they thicken and turn black,  arching a little to give me a slightly dangerous edge.  

Other modifications that may come with this include fingernails that can become retractable claws,  a headpiece with wolf-like ears and a slightly lupine tail,  emphasizing the more lupine aspects of Russell’s appearance.  The ears perk up if I am excited or happy,  tense up if i’m angered and droop if i’m upset,  and the tail moves and wags like a real wolf’s tail does.

When this part concludes I now possess Russell’s hair and eyebrows in addition to his frame, outfit,  height,  mindset and personality -  and once this part is done we’ll be moving onto stage 5.

Stage 5:  Two Russells Are Worse Than One.

This part of the process is where it will become near impossible to recognize me once this next set of changes happens,   this is basically where my facial appearance shifts to resemble Russell’s.   Which means I will be looking exactly like him.

It starts with my forehead becoming slightly more pronounced,   my eyes becoming slightly wider and turning a darker shade of brown,   my nose narrowing,   my facial structure becoming more triangular, my cheekbones become sharper and more pronounced,  dark eyeliner lightly gets applied around my eyes,  my lips reshaping a bit and my whole face slowly morphing and reshaping until it looks exactly like Russell’s.   

The morph also has variations,  one is the regular facial haired Russell variant in which Russell’s slightly visible trademark facial hair grows on my face and the other is the clean-shaven Arthur variant in which I take on the look of Russell’s version of the Dudley Moore character Arthur Bach.  Of course like I mentioned there are a few modifications for this,  mainly the fact that I have my canine teeth extending to become like fangs.

Once this part of the transformation is complete,  we’ll move onto the final stage of the transformation which is where it will come to completion,   so watch closely.

Final Stage:  Revolution In Ponderland

Here’s where you won’t be able to tell me apart from the real Russell,  as you’ll find that this point i’ll start to speak like him,  gradually developing his voice and signature Essex orientated British accent - so you’ll probably have trouble trying to see if it is me in there,  at this point the physical process is completed and I am fully Russell in appearance except with a few alterations,  mainly the wolf-like ears on the wearable headpiece,  claws,  fangs and a wolf-like tail, or on occasion raven or ‘Maleficent’ styled wings that are coated in black feathers for flying.   And the other minor difference being my eyes will glow and turn yellow and wolf-like if i’m angered or under stress,  which is a nod to Big Wolf On Campus (specifically Tommy wolfing out).

At this point the mental half of the transformation reaches a climax,  but I still retaining a few of my old former quirks despite being Russell mentally and physically,  as I am a much tamer less insane version of him which means i’m not as well...naughty,  in otherwords I am basically more human than the real Russell when i’m like this.   Because much like the Phantom Of The Opera,  Quasimodo,  Frankenstein or the Beast...I am a more human monster in terms of my overall nature.

Once this part is completed the process is done and the new alternate Russell has fully emerged,  this form is to be used as either a last-resort or emergency transformation in case none of my other forms are strong enough to take on the real Russell.   

With all that said….I am now almost indistinguishable from the real Russell and my transformation is complete both physically and mentally,  but remember it’s still me in there -  and i’m the one with the wolf-like ears,  glowing eyes,  wings,  fangs and claws.

So what happens to our hero after this?  Find out in the epilogue.

Epilogue:  Hopefully Happily Ever After.

You’ll be glad to know that the story will end happily for me even though i’m fully Russell both mentally and physically,   after all -  all it requires to be turned back to normal is to find someone who will love me and learn to love them so that they will grow to love me in return, you’ll also be glad to know it is reversible and I can morph back to normal if I wish too,  it will most likely wear off by morning and I will revert to being normal Nathan/Chris then.   So i’m not stuck as Russell forever.

Originally I planned on this process being a lot scarier but I went with the fairytale and mythology theme,  in particular Beauty And The Beast because I’m fond of the ‘Misunderstood Monster’  trope when it comes to my monstrous creations.    My variation of Russell or me as Russell is influenced by this trope as well as Beast And Beauty.    Because I feel that since Russell is a rather beastly guy...why not go with a rather beastly fairytale to match?

I’m Monstermaster13 and this has been my long-planned Russell Brand themed special edition of transformation guides.    I hope that this will be useful to you should Russell manifest in my nightmares once again.   Now if you excuse me,  i’m going to perch like an owl/raven/crow and keep watch for anything Russelly.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Jersey Boys Review

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Walken-A-Thon Hallo-Walken countdown,  i’m your host Chris the alpha Walken and tonight you humans are all in for a treat.    Do you know what a Walken loves to do the most?   Sing and dance.   Walkens and She-Hessians are naturally gifted dancers.     So,  I think it’s time I reviewed the latest Walken exploit -  Jersey Boys,  and it’s about time I got to reviewing it.

It took me a while to go and see this movie,   because it took me almost a week to take the time to go to the cinema and watch it,  it was never on at a suitable time and I ended up missing out but finally I have seen it and I will review it.

Released in June of this year,   I - Chris the alpha Walken present...Jersey Boys.  Based on the musical of the same name,   this movie is based on the meteoric rise to fame of the popular oldies group the Four Seasons.

The cast from the stage show all reprise their roles here and they all do wonderful,  the songs are memorable and catchy as hell and the humor is also superb,   I like how they break the fourth wall just like in a John Landis movie.    And yes,  Joe Pesci is in this movie -  no not the actual Joe Pesci,  but Joey Russo plays him.   Yes,  THAT Joe Pesci.  

You know the one from Goodfellas which is what those funny pigeons in Animaniacs were a parody of?  Yep, the same Joe Pesci who was Mr Big in Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker and Harry the crook in Home Alone 1 and 2.

Of course -  you all came here to see the ‘Walken’.   And you shall not be disappointed.  For the Walken appears as Angelo ‘Gyp’  Decarlo,  the mob boss who serves as a wise godfather figure to the band and helps them on their quest for fame.    And yes,   the Walken dances -  but it’s at the end.   But seeing the Walken dance is a treat anyway so you’ll just love seeing him do it anyway.

And by the case you are wondering what I think of Walken in his Captain Hook costume from the upcoming Peter Pan Live….I approve.   He certainly does look very good as Hook and I have to say this variation of the captain may in fact top the Disney version,  Dustin Hoffman,  Tim Curry in Peter Pan And The Pirates,   and even Once Upon A Time.  So I am psyched.

This movie was fantastic and I loved everything about it,  it’s a feel good movie and a damn fine one at that.    Also,  I envy the costume designers who design costumes for Christopher Walken in his movies.   Because Walken looks beautiful no matter what he’s wearing.

Watching this movie was exactly what I needed to get rid of my pesky mental blocks,  and now I feel so happy and Walkeny once again.  I can’t wait to start making more Walkens and She-Hessians and to teach them how to roar,  growl,  sing,  dance,  act,  and be ever so Walkeny...rrr….*he growls in happiness*.  

I have a feeling that the Hallo-Walken festivities will simply be wonderful,   in fact i’m inviting all of my human friends to join me -  so that they too can be Walkeny too.   Turning people into Walkens ALWAYS gives me those nice happy,  soothing,  blissful feelings.     I’ve made it my mission to spread my Walkeny joy with the entire human world and I have been doing it oh so well and making my master Jon oh so proud.

If my master Jon aka Legrandzilla is reading this,   I have to say...thank you,  thank you for giving me the gift of Walkenity and making me forever a beautiful and hypnotic Walken -  for you have made me very happy.    I’ve always dreamed of being Walken and now...I am him, I am so happy to be Walkeny -  I like it so much more than being human...because Walken is wonderful and like him...I too am wonderful.

So come,  my loyal human subjects.   Let’s all celebrate!  I recommend seeing the Jersey Boys and I give it two Walkenized thumbs up,  a ten out of ten on the cowbell scale and a high recommendation.   It’s ever so much fun.

I’m Chris the alpha Walken and this has been my review of Jersey Boys,  but I am not done yet -  stay tuned,   the Walken-A-Thon will continue with more Walkeny goodness and there is more to come.    Now if you excuse me,  I think I feel a dance number coming on.  *Weapon Of Choice by Fatboy Slim plays as he gets up and dances,  mimicking the moves from the Fatboy Slim video*

*clips of Walken dancing are played as well as the music video for Weapon Of Choice as Chris the alpha Walken is seen dancing along to the music,   as if interacting with the real CW on screen,   giving the illusion of two Christopher Walkens dancing together in the video

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Walken as Hook

A Business Affair review

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Walken’s den for another installment of the Walken-A-Thon and the Countdown to Hallo-Walken.   Hallo-Walken is approaching rapidly - I hope all you good humans out there remember to place an offering of cowbell as well as pay tribute to the great and almighty Alpha Walken because if you do,  he might reward you by turning you into a Walken or She-Hessian.

Today I will be reviewing a Walken movie that i’ve been wanting to review for a long time,  especially since I became a full fledged Waken.   This movie i’m talking about came out in 1994 and is titled A Business Affair.  

The story of this movie revolves around a writer played by Carole Boquet who finds herself falling in love with two different men,   Alec (played by Jonathan Pryce) and the rather dashing and alluring Vanni Corso,  naturally played by Walken.    Walken certainly has a knack for playing these hypnotic and charismatic characters.   Vanni is such a smooth operator and he’s oh so charming too,   he just sweeps our heroine off her feet.  

His speech about mentally dying if he doesn’t get some action is enough to convince me to give up the masquerade of impersonating a human and fully embrace my inner Walkenity. I mean who could concentrate after hearing him utter this?

(Vanni Corso:
I need to feel invincible. I’m Sicilian. If a Sicilian man doesn’t have sex every day, he gets sick. And he dies.)

If he said that to me  in my human form,  I would forget completely about ever being a human and just transform into my natural Walkeny form and give in to the full beautiful process of becoming Walken-like.

It is a known-fact that male Walkens such as myself are known for their charisma and seductiveness,   and they know how to charm the pants off their would be victims,  of course by the time the victims try to do something about it - it’s too late,  as by then they have  fallen completely in the Walken’s power and they are his to command,  and it’s then that they become a Walken or She-Hessian themselves.

I think Walken is at his most alluring in this movie,  especially in the scenes with him and Carole.   Like when he’s kissing her and kissing her looks like he’s going to sprout his Hessian Horseman teeth and bite her...mmm….rrr…her blood must taste delightful.  *growls slightly and licks his lips*  Oops,  sorry about that.  I was just thinking about the blood that I am looking forward to lapping up.   Also it’s just whenever I see Walken with a female lead being romantic,  I can’t help but think of the Hessian at the end of Sleepy Hollow when he kissed Lady Van Tassell.

Walken dances in this movie as well,   and who doesn’t love a dancing Walken?  After all - dancing is part of how a Walken entices their subject.  And that’s not all, Walken appears shirtless as well -  that’s eye-candy for all you bloodthirsty young She-Hessians out there who are lusting for some Walken action.

I heavily recommend watching this movie if you are a Walken fan,  I give it 10 out of 10 and two Walkenized thumbs up.   If you loooove Walken,  or if you want to indulge in something romantic for both you and your loved one -  you should definitely watch this.

I am Chris the alpha Walken and this has been my review of A Business Affair,   stay tuned for more wonderfully Walkeny reviews during the Walken-A-Thon and also for the very special Hallo-Walken countdown.

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Monday, 22 September 2014

Walken Assimilation

Walken Assimilation

This story is entirely fictional and is based on a comment on a forum thread,  if you think it is real you are seriously mental.   It is a play on words of the Borg assimilation process from Star Trek: TNG.  It has a hypnosis scene,  a human to Walken tf scene,  and  dark scenes in it which may upset sensitive readers.

Walkens featured in this story:
Christopher Walken himself.
Morty (Click)
Archangel Gabriel (Prophecy trilogy)
Frank White (King Of New York)
Vanni Corso.  (A Business Affair)
Kim Ulander. (Search And Destroy)
J-Man. (Envy).
Tom. (Pennies From Heaven)
Max Zorin. (A View To A Kill)
Hessian Horseman. (Sleepy Hollow)
Reed Thimple. (Country Bears)
Frank Abagnale Sr (Catch Me If You Can)
Paul Rayburn.  (Man On Fire)
Wilbur Turnblad.  (Hairspray)
Gyp DeCarlo.  (Jersey Boys)
Bobby Mcbain.  (Mcbain.)
Bobby Kahn. (Wayne’s World 2)
Robert (The Comfort Of Strangers).
Feng. (Balls Of Fury)
Cousin Bo (Romance And Cigarettes.)
Vincenzo Coccotti.  (True Romance.)
Uncle Bill Ferriter.  (Trance/The Eternal/Kiss Of The Mummy)
Hans. (Seven Psychopaths)
Max Shreck. (Batman Returns)
Mike Wellington. (The Stepford Wives.)
Calvin Webber.  (Blast From The Past)
Secretary William Cleary.  (Wedding Crashers)
Nikanor Chevotarevich  (The Deer Hunter)
Detective Vince Magnotta. (Ripper.)
Clem Doyle/Anthony Benedetti/Gert Froeb. (Joe Dirt)
Bruce Dickinson. (SNL)
Umberto Bevalaqua.  (Illuminata)
Caesar.  (Mousehunt)
Johnny Smith. (The Dead Zone).
Cornelius Hatcher.  (The Rundown).


This may seem crazy but what if I told you that there was more than one Christopher Walken and that Walken is everywhere?  You would probably think i’m crazy,  right?  Well prepare for a big surprise.    As i’m about to tell you a story which will make you think twice.

It seemed like an ordinary night in my neighbourhood,   there were no monsters or villains out tonight and everything was going pretty well.   That was before I heard a series of multiple knocks at the door,   I wondered who on earth could it be.  

“Hopefully they have a good reason for this,  because I was just in the middle of chatting to my friends.”

I rushed over to the door,  hoping they would have a good reason for interfering with my busy OL schedule.  And what I saw when I answered the door surprised me,   it was Christopher Walken wearing blood red shades,  and there were several other Walkens as well - all of them were characters he had played including the Hessian.    I could not believe my eyes,  all of these Walkens had somehow appeared over the past few nights without any explanation whatsoever.

“Ah,  this will be a perfect place to convert…”

“Convert,  into what?”

“Why a Walken’s den of course.”

“But why?  Christopher,  would you mind explaining what’s going on?”

“You’ll find out soon enough...come my Walkens.”

The Walkens hissed and snarled in unison as they made their way into my apartment,  they first started removing everything from my kitchen before heading over to my lab,  I tried to stop them but it seemed they were much more powerful than I thought.   I ran over to my lab and put it on lockdown to make sure they wouldn’t get in.

“Chris...this is weirding me out,  what’s going on?”

“Allow me to explain.  You see those Walkens there?”


“They are all humans.”

“But they’re not...they’re Walken...I mean,  they’re you!”

“Well yes, they WERE humans.  Until I got my hands on them.”

“What did you do to them?”

“I hypnotized them,  infected them and turned them all into what they are now..”

“Have you always been able to do that?”

“Why yes..”

“So why have you decided to come after me?”

“Because YOU...are next.”

“But I...I’m human..”

“You won’t be human for long…”

“You mean?”

“Yes….we’re going to make you a ‘Walken’ too.”

“But I like what am I at the moment.”

I tried to make a mad dash for it and to escape them but Walken himself caught me and picked me up with inhuman strength.  I gulped slightly,  knowing that what was about to happen wasn’t going to be good.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah...and can you please let me go?”

“I have a better about you look in my eyes instead?”

Walken’s eyes gave off a supernatural glow as he held me by the neck,  I tried to break free of his grip but like I mentioned he was inhumanly strong.   I found myself unable to break free as I gazed into his eyes,  my mind was slowly but surely blanking out,  as I fell into a trance-like state.


“That’s better.”

“I feel so strange,  yet so relaxed.”

“That’s because of my hypnotic powers.”

“Master,  your powers are amazing.”

“Tell me,  how do you feel about humans now?”

“Humans are so funny,  master.”

“Indeed so.”

“They are afraid of us,  but yet they love us oh so much.”

“Yes they are,  but you won’t be one of them for long.”

“You mean...i’m…”

“That’s right.”

Walken put me down and then gestured to the other Walkens,   the other Walkens gathered around in response to their master.   He perched over me in an angel-like fashion as I fell deeper and deeper into the trance.   The effects of the trance increased as my mostly human thoughts slowly began fading away,  replaced with thoughts of serving him.  In the process, I started to drift off,   as my dreams became hypnotic and filled to the brim with Walken-like thoughts.

I dreamed of being just like Walken himself and of being a perfectly loyal Walken,  ever so devoted to my master and all so happy,  blissful and Walkeny.   Of being free of my hum-drum human life and joining the other Walkens as his voice echoed in my mind.   I started to groan a little in my sleep,  muttering Walken’s lines to myself in between several low growls.

Walken’s voice echoed in my mind as the dreams continued,  hypnotically intoning me and enticing me,  triggering the change from human into Walken.   As strange as the changes were,  they felt so good that it just seemed right to give into them.   Becoming less and less human and more like Walken.   As the dreams ended with me in my Walkenized state letting out a fierce Walken-like roar,   I awoke to hear a growling sound coming from my stomach,  I was beginning to feel so thirsty.  

My appetite was shifting,  human food and drink were no longer succificable,  only blood would do.   I wanted blood and lots of it,  why just thinking about it was enough to make me pant.

Walken gave me a bottle containing freshly slain human blood,  I licked my lips as he presented it to me.   I couldn’t wait to drink it all up,  so I asked nicely if I could have them some,  after he said yes -  I began to gently suckle on the bottle like a baby or toddler drinking milk from a baby bottle.  

“Mmmm...this is delicious blood,  master..”

“I’m glad you think it is delicious,  because you’ll be drinking this from now on.”


“As I mentioned before,  you are become a ‘Walken’ that is.”

“Oooh! I’ve always wanted to be a Walken,  they are so beautiful.”

“And you shall be beautiful too.”


“Let me bite you..”

“I will let you bite me,  master…”

He slinked up to me as his teeth lengthened and sharpened,  he reached for the neap of my neck and gently sank his teeth into a bit of skin on it,  as bits of blood dripped off,  he lapped them up with fervor.

“ did that feel?”

“Oh,  master that felt….rrrr.”


I nodded before covering my mouth out of embarrassment,  after all -  I did just growl.  Having heard my growl,  he turned to me and chuckled.  I blushed a little,   still feeling a little bit embarrassed about growling in his presence.


“What’s wrong,  why are you so embarrassed?”

“I think I may have gotten a bit too carried away.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I growled…”

“Growling is natural for a Walken,  you shouldn’t be ashamed.”

“I shouldn’t?”

“Your Walkeny instincts and traits are already developing after all.”

“Is that why I am starting to think like...a...Walken?”

“Yes,  my bite enhances the effects of the hypnotic process.”

“It’s so soothing,  master...all I want to do is serve you.”

“Your human thoughts are already being drained out and being replaced with Walken-like thoughts.”


“Soon,  all you will be thinking of will be music,  dancing,  cowbell,  blood and being a good obedient Walken.”

“Is this natural too?”

“’s all part of your transformation.”

“Does it hurt?”

“There is no pain with human to Walken transformations,  only bliss.”

“Pure...Walkeny bliss?”

“ feels good to submit..and give in.”

Walken was right,  with the developing Walkeny instincts and traits taking over -  it just felt natural for me to relax and give in to the beautiful process of Walkenization.  My thoughts becoming even more Walkeny as I began to think of singing,  dancing,  acting,  and being ever so loyal to him.   In the process,  I was now completely forgetting that I ever thought bad things about the whole ordeal.  

My interests also shifted - focusing less on science and more on singing, dancing,  acting, hunting and all kinds of delightfully Walkeny things.  The whole mental half of the process was  making me feel oh so happy and blissfully entranced.

I just wanted to give in to the Walken-like urges and feelings,  it just seemed natural to do so -  after all,  resistance was most un-walkeny.   And I wanted to please him by being the best Walken ever.

I couldn’t wait to join the other Walkens and be oh so Walkeny with them,   the gift of Walken was just too good to keep to myself.   I knew that I was going to make an excellent Walken and that it would give me ever so much pleasure.

“Mmmm...yes,  it feels marvelous..rrrrr…”

“That’s it,  growl...give in… let your Walkenizing instincts take hold.”

“Aaaawr...mmm...yes,  rrrr…”

“Doesn’t it feel good?”


“You’re such a good obedient Walken.. aren’t you?”

“Yes, master…”

“Of course you are, and I am your master.”

“ are…”

“You love to obey and serve me,  don’t you?”

“Of course I do,  master.”

“You feel so much happier when you are like this…”

“Aaaawrrr...yes,  so happy,  blissful...Walkeny!”

“That’s a good Walken.”


I growled slightly in pleasure as the Walkeny instincts continued to take hold,  I was begging  to be fed blood played by my beloved master,  to hear the harmonious sound of cowbell, to be conditioned and transformed into being a perfectly Walkeny Walken.   I felt so at peace,  relaxed and calm that it felt just right to accept the process.

Speaking of the process,  the physical half of the transformation was about to begin with as the other Walkens circled around me.  My Walkeny brethren,  all waiting in baited breath for me to join them.

“My Walkens will help you shed your human form and become one of us..”

“Aaaawrrr...yes! I want to be transformed so badly.”

“And you shall…”

One of the Walkens,  which was Morty, -   reached for my hand and gently massaged it,  which slowly caused it to shift.   Skin imperfections were slowly but surely fading away as my arms were elongating,  growing longer and thinner and shifting to resemble Walken’s arms.    A pale skintone crept up my arms as well as my torso,  stomach,  shoulders and back as they also became more lithe.   My hands shifted until they resembled Walken’s, as my fingers grew longer,  my knuckles becoming more sharply pronounced.

My shirt was getting tight and it was straining to hold on until it ripped apart,  only to reform into an elegant dress shirt that matched my more slender upperbody,  yet I didn’t mind - because I didn’t need clothing like that,  all Walkens need in terms of clothing is black and silver with a Hessian styled motif.

Arching my much more slender back,  I growled a few more times -  gesturing the next Walken,  Archangel Gabriel from the Prophecy to come closer.  He touched my legs with his angel’s touch  and I felt them stretch and elongate,  becoming longer as the pale skintone crept up them.  

My jeans peeled apart in a matter of seconds before reforming into a pair of slim, long, elegant black dress pants to go with my new shirt -  my slipper socks hardening and reforming into a pair of fine black dress shoes.   I now was very much like Walken in terms of my build around my upperbody and lowerbody,  so lithe,  elegant and beautiful.

I examined my new build, and was deeply enamored by it - my entire body was now covered in Walken’s signature ghostly pale skintone,  I moaned slightly but it sounded like another growl,  by now I had accepted that growling was natural and wasn’t ashamed of it.

Two more Walkens,   Frank White and Vanni Corso massaged my much leaner back,  making me grow taller until I was about the same height as Walken which was about 6’ft.  I growled happily as the Walken-like instincts began taking over full circle.

I developed the urge to dance,  which was triggered by the playing of the song Weapon Of Choice -   as my legs and feet started moving in time to the beat,  rhythm and words of the song.   Naturally I started to get up and dance,   and it felt all so good to dance and be so blissfully Walkeny,   I  had found I had become much agile and my dance skills were now greatly improved,  to be just like Walken’s.   The other Walkens started dancing as well including Wilbur Turnblad,  Tom, J-Man,  Max Zorin,  and Feng -  all mimicking Walken’s moves from the music video.

Max Shreck and Cousin Bo ran their fingers through my hair,  making it prickle up and turn sandy brown almost blonde with the texture and style of Walken’s own hair.   I was really enjoying the process  which was pleasing Walken very much.

The next group of Walkens lead by Vincenzo Coccotti and  Kim Ulander followed by  Bobby Kahn, Johnny Smith, Caesar the Exterminator,    Mike Wellington,  Paul Rayburn,  Bobby McBain,  Nikanor Chevotarevich and Robert massaged my neck as my neckline elongated,  becoming longer and thinner until it resembled Walken’s own -  with the pale skintone creeping up it,   my senses heightening to inhuman levels.

Hans and Detective Vince Magnotta were next as they started cleaning up my face,  making the pale skintone form on it,  my eyebrows thinned out and turned the same colour as my hair. My next change came in the form of my eyes as I gazed into the Hessian Horseman’s aquamarine blue eyes,  my own eyes changing from hazel to an icy blue colour with dark green inner rings.

Gyp DeCarlo and Bruce Dickinson took turns massaging my forehead which helped bring in more Walkeny thoughts and instincts,  my forehead elevating itself higher up as my eyes became narrower,  spreading out and becoming slightly sunken.  Cornelius Hatcher reached for my nose, gently touching it as it altered in shape,  shrinking slightly until it morphed to resemble Walken’s own.

Umberto Bevalaqua touched my face,  causing my lips to thin out and slowly shift to be crescentian in shape,   with the tips becoming pointed just like know,  Walken.  

The Hessian Horseman snarled as he put his signature gloved hands around my chin,  causing my chin to narrow out  as my jaw-line became more angular,   my cheekbones were becoming sharply more pronounced as my cheeks became slightly sunken.  I growled in happiness as Clem Doyle/Anthony Benedetti/Gert Froebe patted me on the head as my head shape altered to be more drachy/mesoian,  in the process giving me a very haunting and striking resemblance to Walken.

But the work of the Walkens was not done yet,  Calvin Webber and Uncle Bill both massaged my throat,  making my voice deepen,  growing lower and gruffer,  gravelly but also very distinctive,  alluring and hypnotic -   developing Walken’s signature tone,  speech patterns,  mannerisms,  and New York accent.   My voice now was that of Walken himself.

With conditioning from Reed Thimple and Secretary William Cleary,  all of my recollections of ever being a ‘human’ disappeared as did the memories of what appeared before the Walken encounter,   I wasn’t Nathan anymore….my transformation was complete,  I had become one of them.

I was now a perfect Walkeny clone of Christopher Walken himself.

“Now you are one of tell me,  what is your name?”

“Christopher,  but you can call me Chris.”

“Yes,  that is correct.”

“My name is Chris and I am a Walken.”

“That’s right, you are one of us now...a Walken.”

“I’m so beautiful and hypnotic.”

“How do you feel?”

“I feel so happy and at peace.”

“Do you have anything to say?”

“I am sorry for ever thinking that Walken and you guys were evil and for trying to escape from you -  after all,  I like the idea of humans turning into Walkens.”

“That is alright.  You didn’t know better back then,  but now you do.”

“I think we should all share our gift of Walkenity with the people of this realm and make them into Walkens too.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.”

“And maybe make a few She-Hessians too?”

“That’s a great idea as well.”

“Those humans are so silly and un-Walken-like,  but once we get to them.."

“Chris,  that’s good - tell those mean humans!”

Walken himself walked over to me,  he looked oh so proud of his Walkens and of me as well -  I growled with happiness as he welcomed me into his Walken convert.   Finally,  my Walken related dreams I had come true.   I was now a Walken,  just like them.

“Are you ready to help me hunt and Walkenize the humans of this realm?”

“Yes,  master…”

“Then let’s go,  come my Walkens -  the blood moon awaits us.”


And with that,  the whole apartment was converted into a gothic castle to be Walken’s new den for him and his Walken minions including myself.   He then instructed us to follow him to the city to hunt for humans,  and once we reached the city’s square we all followed his instructions and started our hunt.

In no time at all - I learned to hunt just like them.  I spent so much time hunting with the other Walkens that I became a natural in a matter of seconds,  later developing my Walken claws as my fingernails lengthened and sharpened and my Walkeny teeth as my canines extended to become akin to fangs while the rest of my teeth became pointed and Hessian-like.

As for what happened later,  more and more people were hypnotized,  bitten,  assimilated and turned into Walkens and She-Hessians to serve Christopher Walken.  After all,  there is nothing more fun than being a Walken.

Soon,  you will all see the beauty of becoming a Walken or She-Hessian for yourselves,  for you’re all next and you will join us.   Join us.  Resistance is futile,  you will be Walkenized and you will be a Walken or She-Hessian.

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Saturday, 13 September 2014

The Prophecy review

Greetings once again humans,   Walkens and fellow creatures of the night.   I am Chris the alpha Walken and welcome back to the Hallo-Walken installment of the Walken-A-Thon, and you're in for a treat.
I know I already covered The Prophecy trilogy before but I am going to review it again because it's just that good.    There is no doubt about it that the 90's was the era of the Walken we know and love,   the Hypnotic and Quasi-Vampiric Walken.    It started with a little  movie called The Comfort Of Strangers in which Walken played a truly creepy demented and vampiric role.

Little did we know that in 1995,  a little vampire movie called The Addiction came out and Walken played a vampire in it.   He will also be playing a bloodsucker in the movie Fangs Of War,   I hear he might be playing Dracula.  Ooooh.  It looks like  Bela Lugosi,  Max Schreck,  Frank Langella,  Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman have some competition coming their way!  

Walken later found himself sporting sharpened teeth to play the badass Hessian Horseman in Tim Burton's masterpiece Sleepy Hollow.    He just has a natural gift when it comes to playing bloodthirsty or hypnotic quasi-vampiric types.

As I mentioned,   this movie is part of a trilogy -  and I say trilogy because Walken was not in the prequels that came out after the main three.    Walken plays what I think is his best role yet next to  the Hessian Horseman,   Max Shreck,  Max Zorrin,   Feng from Balls Of Fury,  Morty,   Wilbur Turnblad,  Bobby Kahn,   Johnny Smith,  Calvin Webber and Frank White.

That role of course is Archangel Gabriel.   A particular dark and badass archangel who is angry at the Almighty One for favoring humans or 'talking monkeys'  over angels and is looking to lead the war against Heaven.

Can't say that I blame him really,  as a Walken -  I find humans to be such bizarre creatures -  like for example they tend to be very hypocritical.   I am not allowed to kill a single one of them when i'm in my Hessian state but those humans get away with killing other humans and also animals?   That is just sickening.   At least I only kill to feed and keep my bloodlust at bay.    It's a natural thing,   I mean I do have Hessian blood in me.    Humans fear Walkens,  that isn't right,   humans should love Walkens.

I have already gone over the plot of this movie and its sequels but I am going to tell you of a scene that really affected me.    The scene where Thomas is in the church and he sees Gabriel,  the shot of Gabriel's eye is just soooo...hypnotic.    The first time I saw it,  I couldn't help but fall into a blissful trance-like state.  

It's so hypnotic in fact that on one dvd site I saw there was a review with screencaptures and one was of Gabriel's eyes -  the caption said "Stare for more than a minute and you turn into Walken at 55:07".     That sounds delightful.   I want to test that on all the humans that come by my lair.
I say it certainly worked on me.   I look and feel so Walkeny,  as a good Walken should, after all being a Walken is so wonderful.    I wish everyone could be as Walkeny as me.  

You can never have enough Walkens,  that's what I say.  That's why I convert them into Walkens using also build my army.    Wouldn't being a Walken just be so wonderful?  Imagine being hypnotized,  bitten or scratched by a Walken/She-Hessian and giving in as all those wonderful Walkeny feelings take over.

All of those Walkens,   Hessians and She-Hessians growling as they pine for the love and attention of their beloved master.   Doesn't that sound like pure Walkeny bliss?  I think so too.

I loved all three of the Prophecy movies because I feel these were the best examples of both Bloodthirsty Walken and Hypnotic and Quasi-Vampiric Walken ever.   I love Walken in this movie.   I give The Prophecy trilogy especially parts 1 and 2 two Walkenized thumbs up.

If give it a ten out of ten rating and a high reccomendation,  check it out if you haven't already,   even if you're not a Walken fan -  you'll be changing your mind after seeing this movie.     I am Chris the alpha Walken and if you think i'm done here,  you're wrong - because the Walken-A-Thon still goes on.

Friday, 12 September 2014

List Of Walken Reviews

1. Balls of Fury.
2. Stepford Wives.
3. Sleepy Hollow.
4. Click.
5. Hairspray.
6. The Prophecy.
7. The Prophecy II.
8. The Prophecy III.
9. Seven Psychopaths.
10. The Country Bears.
11. The Dead Zone.
12. Batman Returns.
13. Communion.
14. The Deer Hunter
15. Romance and Cigarrettes.
16. Envy.
17. Man of the Year.
18. Undertaking Betty.
19. Mousehunt.
20. Antz.
21. Ripper.
22. Wayne's World 2.
23. A-Z of Walken.
24. SNL: Best of Christopher Walken.
25. Trance/Eternal.
26. A Late Quartet.
27. The Power Of Few.
28. The Addiction.
 30. The Rundown.
31. Kangaroo Jack.
32. Joe Dirt.
33. The Wild Side.
34. A View To A Kill.
35. Life's A Beach/Jungle Juice.
36. Around The Bend.
37. Five Dollars A Day.
38. King Of New York.
39. Brainstorm.
 39. Comfort Of Strangers.
40. Blast From The Past.
41. Excess Baggage.
42.  Mind Snatchers.
43. Stand Up Guys.
44. Search And Destroy.